“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where …” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
We’ve all been there, working on a project or doing something with an electronic gizmo and the thing freezes up. You try everything you can think of. Control, alt., delete. No dice. So what do you do? Reboot. When all else fails, reboot. Even the help desk from the manufacturer often recommends this course of action. So what about relationship rebooting?
This is often thought of as divorce, which is not at all what I am talking about. Instead I am encouraging a system reset. A new perspective on things in the relationship.
Too often we fall back on the question, “What do you want?” This question is often too vague. It leaves too much room for guesswork. We need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
When people are asked what they want most in life, or for their kid’s life, the most common answer: happiness. It seems that’s what most everyone is striving for, yet it is such an ambiguous answer. Bear with me for a moment. Many people would also put love on the list of things to strive for in life. So what’s the opposite of love? Hate? No. It’s apathy. In much the same way, the opposite of happiness is not sadness. It’s boredom.
So the question you should be asking isn’t “What do you want?” or “What are your goals?” but “What would excite me?” This will likely stir something deep within you and your spouse. We’ve been given the opportunity on this earth to enjoy many things. To experience life and all it has to offer. And most of the time, the only thing holding us back from this type of life, ourselves.
Take some time this holiday season and reboot, unplug everything. As you restart, ask yourself this question, “What would excite me?” Then ask your spouse “What would excite us?”
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
He he he. Funny You Tube. I have always enjoyed the drink holder that pops out of the computer box. Although it is a little flimsy, it is handy! Someone once told me it holds CD’s but I wasn’t sure what brand of soda that was. Must be something they sell up north.
Rebooting is definitely better than pulling the plug. So often people want the quick fix which is usually divorce. I think people have a difficult time being committed to someone or something. People want to bug out when it gets tough or uncomfortable.
Corey, is there any research that shows an overall deterioration in people persevering through a commitment? It seems that people are not as committed to their spouses and families but also other things like their jobs, employees, churches, support of country, ideals, and ideas. Have you noticed this or am I crazy? (OK, I think I just set myself up!)
I will think about what life stuff excites me. I’m assuming winning the lotto is not realistic. Darn it.
The recent trends would seem to support your perception. Although I have not seen any research to support this. I will continue looking and post here if there is something new out there. Regarding your last comment, the only realistic part of the thought is you’ve got to buy a ticket to have a chance.
I knew I was forgetting something. I never bought the ticket! OK, so to stretch that thought into a question: in what ways am I wanting to win without buying the ticket? In what ways am I wanting to get somewhere without going through the journey? I think I am willing to go through the journey. To further the journey metaphor a bit, I think I don’t always know how to buy the train ticket, which side of the track to wait on, how to transfer onto another train, and where to get off. Sometimes I think I don’t even know a train goes where I want to go and may not even know where I want to go. The train ride is overwhelming and so is life. But I’m willing to go for it.