In Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project she compiles a list of truisms about life as an adult – The Secrets of Adulthood.
While marriage is best when it involves two grown ups, relationships often have slightly different rules and truths.
So what are the Secrets of Marriage?
Here’s what I’ve come up … add your thoughts in the comments.
- It helps tremendously if you can laugh at yourself.
- Women really do enjoy flowers and chocolates.
- The quality of sex ebbs and flows.
- Laughter really does cure a lot.
- The same result does occur if you keep doing the same thing.
- Worries can be self-fulfilling prophesies. Let them go.
- Conflict will happen.
- Expectations are planned disappointments.
- Little things are the things you love the most.
- Learning more about anatomy really improves sex.
- It’s easy to be infected by your spouse’s mood, but you can only change yours.
- By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
- Most decisions don’t require extensive research.
- The days are long, but the years are short.
- Happiness doesn’t always make you feel happy.
- What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
- You don’t have to be good at everything.
- What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you–and vice versa.
- It’s okay to ask for help.
Your turn.
love this!
Maintaining a deep respect for each other will keep you coming to the top, over and over again.
The better you get at conflict resolution the better your chances of living out your love on each other.
The best thing for your kids is for Mom and Dad to love each other (and not be afraid to show it) and not be completely kid-centered
I love this one: “Most decisions don’t require extensive research.”
Continually learn – about yourself and about your spouse
Love like you want to be loved!
Super, Rod! That works every time!
Most people are running on empty, near exhaustion. Take naps. Build in get-away time for the two of you. Make it a part of your life. You’ll be amazed how it smooths out the rough patches.
I think knowing how to fight respectfully is important, too…
John, I was just about to mention the magic of staying rested for the overall health of a marriage, and you mentioned “naps”. I agree totally.
My observation has been that when people get tired and exhausted, they have little reserves left over for tending to relational needs, and they say and do things they wouldn’t ordinarily say or do. Dallas Willard is credited with saying, “Ruthlessly eliminate ‘hurry’ from your life.” Our “more is more” culture today gets us “high” on the fast pace of life, and it has killed more than a few relationships. I think it is one of the biggest love and health killers today, and we have to be very, very intentional about guarding our schedule and being disciplined with our commitments and calendars.
Consistency is the key of some of the items in your list. Consistency is one of the ways to build character–either positive or negative. Acting consistently is difficult, especially when our desires fight against our resolution to act consistently. But I think a key to marriage is to consistently, little by little, work on improving your character by putting your spouse’s interests above your own.
Always think long term & big picture. Often my own actions stand in the way of what I want to happen in my marriage. My dad once told me never start something today you don’t want to continue.
Some of those tips are GR’s original ideas.
Yes, they are.
This is a great list. Here are a couple more:
- Hold your wife’s hand in public and in private.
- Don’t just try to fix an issue; work to understand what went wrong.
I would like to add something about the importance of shared goals. I don’t quite know how to word it, but my husband and I are a TEAM in some major areas of our life – parenting, finances, our relationship, etc. – and that didn’t happen without us sitting down and planning out together a vision and a strategy.
We can and do both have separate goals, but when it comes to things that are “ours” – well, can you imagine if my immediate goal was to pay off all our credit cards (arguably “good”) but his was to fund our 401(k)s (also arguably “good”) – but if we’re both working at half-measures, we don’t really have tangible successes.
So. Can someone suggest a better way to explain all that?
Be consistent. It reeks of commitment to an ideal, and your kids and spouse will pick up on it without verbal instruction from you.
MAKE TIME for regular date nights with each other. Investing OFTEN in your marriage is critical to it’s ongoing health.
I love the one about “expectations are planned disappointments.” So true!
Think big picture. Lose an argument to win a heart