Selfishness gets a bad rap.
Part of living a simple life involves being selfish. Living involves selfishness.
Just look at one of the most selfish beings on the planet … infants.
They require constant care with no regard for other’s sleep, free time, and relaxation. But are they called selfish? Not in the slightest.
If you take the same child at the age of 2, 3, or 4 who exhibits the same characteristics as an infant then most definitely you’ll hear the label. Not even to mention the same characteristics in a full grown adult.
So, part of growing up must mean learning to be unselfish and how to compromise? Right?
Not necessarily.
As with most everything, there are extremes … and the extremes seem to be where we most often reside. Society teaches that selfishness is bad, so a generation of Nice Guys is the result.
It’s as though in an effort to remove any hint of selfishness, others must always come first.
But to me, 180ยบ from crazy is just another form of crazy.
So, rather than gravitating to an extreme, perhaps we would benefit from learning the art of healthy selfishness. A selfishness that is capable of incorporating the interests of others as well as demonstrating love, care and concern to those around you – and most importantly, a love and care for yourself.
To begin: realize that we are all selfish … every one of us!
But healthy selfishness is a process of managing a hierarchy of desires and needs. Things like eating, pleasure, saving for retirement, giving to others, etc. We feel passionate about desires that are deeply personal, important, and urgent which make us intensely committed toward a course of action.
Therefore, selfishness is actually a wellspring of passion.
So what if the next time you begin to wonder if you’re being selfish, ask yourself if you’re passionate.
Would this question produce anything different?
Good post Cory. Another way to look at selfishness is that we can’t take care of our spouses, our children, our marriages unless we take care of ourselves first. I’m at my worst when I am tired or hungry or out of shape.
I often think about the command to love others as we love ourselves. It doesn’t say we should not love ourselves, just that we should love others equally.
Of course with the help of the BUMM class I am realizing this more each and everyday. I am learning to take care of myself first so that I can better take care of my relationships stresses and my children.
I really like the term “Healthy seflishness”, it’s all about balance. And I really agree with Brad, you give your best to those around you when you are fed. It’s just like the oxygen masks on the plane, put one on yourself first before you help others. You are no good to anyone else if you cannot breath.
To me, this is the same as the difference between being aggressive, passive or assertive. Passive means you do what anyone tells you to, aggressive means you do what you want and don’t care what other people think and assertive means you state your preference, listen to what other people want and work together on a solution. Guess which one makes you a better relationship partner?
Have you noticed how much easier it is to be around people who are self confident and “selfish”. When someone else knows what they want and are capable of meeting their own needs it makes it much easier on me. I don’t feel like I have to take care of them or worry about them. (This is probably my Nice Guyedness acting up as well, but the idea is still the same).
Ever since I’ve learned that it is my responsibility to take care of myself I make less demands on others, personally, emotionally, etc… which then makes me just a little easier to live with.
Healthy selfishness rules.
Excellent Point. Some real wisdom here. I’ve written especially from the perspective of men who tend to give everything to their wives and have nothing for themselves, but it can very easily go both ways.
I like to think of pursuing your desires, dreams, and passions, though, as not selfishness, but as glorifying God–of doing His will for your life and your family. It’s the concept that He really wants you to be happy, and by doing what you really want to do–channeling your passions, etc. you’ll be happy and bless others around you as well.