Comments on: Simple Family: Giving Kids Their Space

By: Ramya

Ramya — Wed, 26 May 2010 18:24:53 +0000

I love how simply you have put a powerful message across. After having reacted in the worst way when my son came late after his outdoor play session, I didn’t feel good. I wondered why and now I know. This is a better way to deal with the situation. Thanks for the insight.

By: Emil J Lesner

Emil J Lesner — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 12:59:54 +0000

That syrup dripping “talk” would have never worked with my oldest daughter. She was so defiant when she was young and even into her teen years. Most of the time when she was defiant, I took it as a personal challenge to my authority as a parent. And made sure she lost those challenges with not question who was in charge. That was 10 years ago.

Today, we talk almost all the time and she is a respecter of people who are over her. She gets along with her bosses at both her jobs.

I guess what I am saying is that talk might work with certain kids, and others it’s not. Some just make the simple mistake of not watching the clock close enough. Others are just openly challenging the parent. You just have to know your child.

Since I have 4 and each is different, I use different techniques for discipline and teaching.

By: Ian|QuantumLearning

Ian|QuantumLearning — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 09:20:47 +0000

Hi Corey

I agree completely about giving space and responsibility to our kids – at least as much as they can handle. As for staying calm – I think there’s often a fine line between reacting and over-reacting. I grew up in a family where my parents were very calm and controlled most of the time. When they did over-react it was very scary … because I hadn’t seen them show much emotion the rest of the time.

Personally I think it’s best as a parent to be expressing emotions – but in a way where I’m taking full ownership of them. In the example of the teenage kid arriving late – I like the dialogue you showed as an example. I would want to use it to show how I’m feeling – “I’m RELIEVED, I’m SCARED, I’m ANGRY – and those are my feelings and they’re coming from my care, love, desire for your safety” I probably wouldn’t express it quite that way, but the point is I think it important to show our kids that we experience a full range of emotions, we’re human beings after all – not robots.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 23:01:58 +0000

I wish I had known all this stuff years ago.

Growing up, I remember thinking that the louder my parents reacted the worse trouble I was in….at least until the night when they were so angry and hurt with me that they said nothing at all. That was the most painful night I can remember.

By: Corey

Corey — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:35:49 +0000

Kevin- The only way I know how to convey that message is honestly and upfront. It’s up to her to accept what you say or not. As for addressing her flying off the handle, if she is open to discussions while not in the heat of things, try bringing it up at other times. Often people are more open to discuss their life and reactions while not in the heat of things. Best of luck.

By: Susan

Susan — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:48:17 +0000

Perfectly said! This is a main principle in the book, “Screamfree Parenting” by Hal Runkel and I use this book with the moms I coach. Once parents can grasp a few true principles it is amazing how the family dynamic is changed. I just wish I would have had the book and ideas when my kids were younger, but at least I can make changes now so that they hopefully will have a different idea of how to parent their kids! Thank you for this!

By: Kevin

Kevin — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:36:14 +0000

I try to parent this way but my spouse does not. She is more of the reactive type and when I do not parent in her style I am “not caring what happens to them” or “not concerned for thier safety”. How do I convey the message to my spouse that I am concerned but they need to make some mistakes? She is very inconsistent. Flying off the handle sometimes and thoughtful other times. Very ruled by her emotions.

By: LaDonna

LaDonna — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:06:48 +0000

I tend to overreact but try to parent this way – giving them space. Working on me and allowing them to work on them.

By: George Burdell

George Burdell — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 22:06:10 +0000

This aligns with my goal of trying to raise “good” adults. There will come a time when they won’t listen too me (I am actually surprised every day when the 14 year old still listens to me – or pretends to listen to me).

I let them do things that I am not comfortable with, but they are things that I was doing at a younger age. I want to be over protective but it isn’t in their long term best interests.

By: Lori

Lori — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:54:08 +0000

Reminds me of the Love and Logic principles. They learn to trust themselves, become more confident and in the process make better decisions. Natural consequences are in the every day real world and since it’s our job to prepare them to be productive, healthy, caring, fun to be around people, sounds like an excellent start.