Simple Family: The Lost Art Of Play
At the risk of severely stepping on your toes, many people have simply lost the art of play.
Gone are the days of tag, chase, tackle the man with the ball, dodgeball, and the like. Also gone are the “dangerous toys” like the metal Tonka trucks that are indestructible, the monkey bars that tower up into the air, the tree house built way up in the tree with a homemade zip line going into the garage, and the metal slide that’s 4 stories tall with no side-rails and several bumps on the way down. Okay so the last one may be a bit of an exaggeration but it’s not far off.
Playing serves a great purpose. Remember when you used to call up your friends or head over to their house and greet them with “wanna play?” It didn’t matter what you played, you’d make it up.
Today it seems that play is all but dead. Parenting has become more about the child’s achievement and directing towards goals. Be it the child’s – or far more likely the parent’s goals.
Schools are doing away with recess in the belief that giving up play time will allow more time for study. Even preschoolers are not immune to this shift. Through the 80’s and 90’s a 4 billion dollar industry sprung up… tutoring. With 26% of it being devoted for 2 to 6 year olds. Babies… who should be spending more time in imaginative play than structured learning.
It turns out that play develops the child’s cognitive skills.
By play, I mean true child directed play: free, unstructured play where the kids invent the activities that reflect their own curiosities and interests.
Too many children are parentified, or expected to become adults too fast.
Play is critical in a child’s life. According to David Elkind, play is vital in teaching a child how to control himself and interact with others.
Play is true preparation for adulthood.
Play is where you learn how to handle the unexpected.
Another researcher Jaak Panksepp believes play turns on hundreds of genes in the brain. Specifically, play stimulates neurogenesis to hasten the development of the frontal cortex in the brain.
Panksepp’s research also points to daily rough and tumble play is a way to decrease if not possibly cure ADHD in children.
Play is vital to the development of our children and the health of our families. Here’s a few ideas on how to make play more part of your family life.
- Encourage your kids to play with other kids. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it doesn’t seem to happen that often. Many parentified children would rather play with adults than other kids. While this may seem mature and grown-up, anytime a kid plays with an adult, imagination and leadership skills are stifled. Adults often will take charge or limit the imagination because we can’t compete with a child’s imagination level.
Get your kids playing with other kids. Turn off the video games and TV and let them make up the games. We used to do it. Let them. - Play with your kids everyday for at least 30 minutes. Spend time as a family playing. One of my favorite times each day is the wrestling time I get with my daughter and son. My son, before he could even talk, would walk over to the floor and point meaning “it’s time to wrestle dad!” Before long, my daughter and my wife would be in the mix. It’s a great bonding time as well as a testing of my children’s strength and abilities.
- Take your kids out of school for a day. I don’t recommend you do this too often, but take your kids someplace instead of school at times. You could even incorporate some learning opportunities into this. Visit the zoo, the aquarium, local museums, or galleries. You could even go to the park. Give them an unexpected break from their normal structure and spend the time together.
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.12 Responses to “Simple Family: The Lost Art Of Play”
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I totally agree. Being a teacher, I even agree with your last point. In my teaching career I have taught most grade levels. When I taught kinder, I could tell the kids that had more opportunity for imaginative play. They stories they would write would be full of imagination. They would write about different situations and seemed less likely to be inhibited with the possibilities of what could happen in their story.
Play is incredibly important. Kids develop cognitively, emotionally, socially, and physically, through play. Building with blocks and knocking them down is a great lesson in balance, force, and cause and effect. Crawling around on a play ground, or wrestling with dad, is super for problem solving and discovering limits.
I hate that recess is fading away. I hate that kids don’t get out and kick the can like we use to. I had a great time as a kid. I wish kids could get back to the basics like we had it. I think they are missing out on so much and we as a society will be stifling creativity and invention by not nurturing and protecting play in our kids. I think as a whole, our society over protects our kids. I believe we are creating a generation of kids that will be too afraid to risk and lack the imaginations to create wonderful new products, art, and experiences. But, as parents, it is easier on us to set the kids in front of a TV or computer game then to play……Sad……
This is such a soap box for me! I don’t have any kids yet, and I suppose it really wasn’t that long ago that I was a kid (my 28th birthday is creeping up this month). But I do have 21 nieces and nephews and a lot of friends with kids. It is so interesting for me to observe the differences in the children I associate with–those that watch a lot of TV and don’t know how to do spend time in creative play are bored more often, argue more, and laugh less. That’s not a scientific study, but that is my real-life experience. So much of a child’s personality is set before we even send them to school, but that of course has a huge influence on them too–it’s too bad that the schools are trying to cut back on one of the best social and creative development times!
Agreed !!!
We have a school nearby that has banned rugby (Think gridiron with no padding) Kids might get hurt.
Schools punish the disruptive child by taking away their recess, when the recess is probably what is needed for them to burn some energy off and focus.
We live on 5 acres and we homeschool. Our kids get out in the dirt and go on adventures and do all sorts. Our land has been an old Texan town, the high seas where our boys have foughts pirates etc. We even believe in time to do NOTHING!! Nothing wrong with a child resting either.
i have never understood how a child can be in kindy and it’s all ‘learn through play’ then they hit 5 and it’s books and study all of a sudden.
One thing we are naughty on is too much ‘screen time’. I am looking at a TV free week next week and seeing what happens. That being said, I know as a family, we spend oodles of time together playing, working etc. Just think we could lessen the screen time.
Best of luck on the TV free week. Let us know how it goes.
As for the creation of “lands” as part of play time- I still vividly remember the creation of our own kingdom in the empty lot behind our house, as well as the stadium we created to house all the world championship games I played in as a child – we won every championship by the way
Play indeed is vital. The most important aspect of it is the bonding a child experiences in the process. Such powerful bonding mechanism brings someone closer to his Mom and Dad, brother and sister, friends and even acquaintances.
Great post. It is so true and I see so many parents who do not play with the kids at all. Even books are not for fun they are read, at 2, to get them into college. Babies dont need to read they need to play! We are really going for a lot of play in our house and imagination is king! We have forts and kings and queens and tea parties and duels! It is great fun. I hope my kids remember having fun when they were young. Thanks for the reminder.
Today I was in the backyard watering plants and pulling weeds when I found myself staring at a large tree stump in the corner of the yard. It’s around 3 feet in diameter and maybe a foot high. It reminded me of my childhood and all the silly imaginative games we would play. I actually drifted off into a 6 year old version of myself and listed off all the cool things I could do with that tree stump. It could be “base” for a game of tag, a perfect setting for a tea party with dolls or friends, the home of fairies, a giant building to leap off of, a reading corner, a stage for performances, etc. What a great little daydream it was.
I have nephews and nieces in two different families who are all great kids, yet stimulated in completely different ways. One family is big on computer time and games, playing the Wii, watching movies, etc. The other is big on imagination and getting their kids outside and playing with each other. Like I said, they are all great kids, very smart kids, but I definitely see a difference between the two families. The biggest difference I have noticed is in compassion and sincerity. The family that thrives on imagination and playing outdoors and with each other has kids that are so empathetic, it’s amazing. I’m not sure if it’s just parenting style, or if the type of stimulus plays a part in that…just an observation.
Anyway, I’m grateful that we barely got to play with our Atari and Nintendo as kids. I built a lot of forts and played G.I. Joe with my brothers. (Pat on the back, Mom!!!)
I agree – play is vital for our kids as it is where they develop their skills to adjust and interact with other kids in a certain situation. Great parenting tips by the way.
I have been teaching for 23 years and raised two of my own childern and WOW what a vital piece of information for all parents and for those that are shoving their students into lessons, sports and school from morning till night. Take them out in the park and so go play!
I looked around for a study I came across while in grad school – back in the 70s (if I remember correctly) they compared school age kids in America, where the teaching and schooling is mainly directed towards bench-mark level and learning certain things by certain times while early in school, against kids overseas in Russia (again not certain if I’m remembering the right country) where young school age kids are less directed and play more, the kids where then tested while in HS and the overseas kids scored higher than the American kids.
Point being, play is so vital to our children of any age.