Ultimately, the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation. ~ Oscar Wilde
Update: This contest is now closed.
As any marriage progresses, there’s going to be times of stagnation and routine. Times when you feel like everything that needs to said – already has been said. It’s during these times when it would be great to have a resource that would help you “go deeper” together.
There are also times when you may wish to add a touch of spice to the marriage. To shake things up a bit and discover more about your lover.
Recently I came across a game that’s designed to help couples who are hungry for connection.
A Private Affair: The Erotic Game of Secrets, Plans and Promises for Couples
Here’s some more information from the creators of the game, Dr. Todd and Jan Sellick.
“A Private Affair” is a unique “black box” of intimate possibility for couples; a game that can be played in restaurants, over coffee, while out for a walk, even on the phone. Play slowly, over a romantic meal, or enjoy a “quickie” by text or email or during a five minute drive in the car.
In developing this game, we felt that couples needed a way to climb back into their own private affair, risking disclosures, exploring penetrating questions, planning adventures together, and finding ways to remember and keep these new promises!
Three thousand years ago Solomon suggested that “an honest answer (straight talk) is like a kiss on the lips;” a thing of simply, happy, complete and juicy intimacy. This little verse inspired a game.
Stories about “sexless marriages” are hot topics at the moment, but the issue is not really ”sexless” but “less” in general for so many; less adventure, less understanding, less connecting, less joy, less kindness, less energy, less hope, etc. Sheldon Vanauken, in his fabulous book “A Severe Mercy” suggested that unless couples are extremely mindful and diligent in their marriage, they risk suffering a “creeping separateness” that distorts and tarnishes the life and friendship of marriage. The sexual part of the relationship very naturally, and reasonably, suffers along with this, so often bruised in this experience of “creeping separateness.”
Couples are hungry for connection, but a bit lost as to where to begin. We keep our game at the back door. As we’re heading out, one of us pockets a few cards so we can “play the game” should we have a few moments, and want to get into some intimate conversation and play together.
One reviewer said that he and his wife think of the game as “emotional bungee jumping;” a risky adventure, but one where they ultimately feel safe as they jump into various depths together.
A Private Affair is not a typical couples “sex game” at all; not the kind you play at home on Friday night with a bottle of massage oil, a feather, and blindfold. This game is played with “eyes wide open” while you move through the bits and pieces of life with your spouse.
Enjoy!
You can also check out the blog as well.
How to enter
A Private Affair retails for $34.99 – but this week you have the chance to have a game sent directly to your front door for free. Allow around 7 business days for shipping.
Here’s how to enter:
- Leave a comment on this post describing an inexpensive date idea.
- To enter a second time: subscribe to Simple Marriage, either RSS or email. Then send an email to simplemarriageblog at gmail dot com – include the secret code you see at the bottom of all the posts in the subject line. The body of the email will not be read. (If you’re already a subscriber, simply look at the bottom of the posts in the feed or email.)
- Finally, to enter a third time: Tweet about this giveaway on Twitter. Be sure to use the url of this post and/or @simplemarriage so I can see it. Or to make it even easier – use the Retweet button at the bottom of this post.
This giveaway will end Saturday the 14th at midnight CST.
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.- Ho Hum Marriage? 9 Ways To Add Some Spice
- What Do You Know About Sex?
- 13 Ways To Make Your Spouse Hate Sex
- How Pornography Impacts Marriage and Family Life
Follow me on twitter
{ 1 trackback }
{ 97 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
One of the best dates we used to have (which is hard to replicate now because of lack of babysitting AND 4 lively kids), was to go to wine or beer tastings tastings/food samplings together. We would find out when there were these events, often free in our area as they advertised some new product, and would make it a date. We’d get some munchies, a glass of wine/beer, and then we’d walk either home or window watching, etc. It was fun to mingle with people, share our impressions with NO interruptions from the kids, be playful and then be romantic as we strolled hand in hand, soaking in the beauty of the lit up city, or the park, or wherever we chose to go. The Art institute in town had a night when we could go ‘after hours’ and they offered just these kind of munchies, etc. Oh, it was THE best and cheapest date and we were so active trying to find a new event to go to!
Local Nature Trails.
We have two little boys, and no sitter. So we walk the trails, the boys explore and we get to sneak in kisses and hugging out in nature. It is fun, exciting and a little sneaky.
After dinner and dishes and such, we meet in bed for dessert. It is fun to share a guilty pleasure!
My wife and I live in a house with several other people, so, although we do occasionally have the place to ourselves for cheap dates, we’ve found it easier to hop in the car and just go somewhere (although, the bus could work, too, I’m sure). Memorials and monuments are a good place to go when the weather is good (or not). There are fewer people than parks, and less obnoxious commercialism than a mall (and no temptation to buy anything.) We especially like to grab the camera and take cool pictures of each other in front of large stone things, or inside of old things. Some of our favorite pictures of each other over the years are these we took on out-and-about dates.
My wife and I will leave the kids with her parents and go out to dinner. After a nice leisurely dinner, with no temper tantrums about being hungry or what food people do/don’t want to eat, we will often go to the local mall. Not to buy anything, mind you, but just to have a nice walk/talk together. A park would serve nicely for this too, but the mall has the benefit in the winter of being indoors and heated.
Honestly, our best date nights are when we make dinner at home together, eat it, and then watch a movie. The key for us is to open a bottle of wine and let the opened bottle signal the beginning of “date time” — so, all electronic/email-checking devices get turned off, and household chores are put on hold. Instead, we have a glass of wine while cooking together, and then sit at the table and talk until we’ve finished the bottle. (I think this would work equally well if we made a pot of tea at the end of the meal and sat at the table talking until we’d finished the tea — for non-drinkers.) Once we’re done, we hit the couch and watch our current Netflix!
Furniture window shopping can be a fun and cheap date. It can give you good insight into what your spouse is thinking about the home or apartment, things that need to be updated, next projects, etc. Plus, it allows for some good conversation time at a leisurely pace. The downside is that on the odd occasion, it can be much more expensive than dinner and a movie. My DW and I went to a furniture store, looking at dining room sets, a couch for an office, shelves, just wandering through the store talking, looking, not really focusing on anything in particular. Then we came to the mattresses. My DW has wanted a new mattress for some time, and she started feeling, then sitting on, then lying down on several. The salesman came over and walked us through the various options, had me try them out as well, and before we knew it, we had bought a new mattress. So the only suggestion I would add would be to leave the credit cards at home. Then it can be a fun, cheap date.
A local coffee shop hosts live music on the weekends and stocks plenty of board games for patrons to sit and play while they sip their drinks and listen to music. The only cost is the price of whatever food or beverage we purchase and we can stay as long as we wish.
My wife and I work on different shifts and have three kids so we do not get much time to ourselves. I would like to try something to make that time better.
One of our fun cheap outings is to go to Barnes and Noble, get a drink and browse. This could get expensive if you don’t have a plan ahead of time for how much (if anything) you are going to buy). We pick up random cds and listen to them and sometimes find one we really like.
Our best recent cheap date was last saturday evening, when we unexpectedly found ourselves in sole possession of the house for a couple of hours (wink, wink). It was unplanned, lots of fun, and did not cost us anything.
We used to go out weekly to karaoke. We would buy one drink (maybe two) and then have water the rest of the night. The DJ is a friend of ours so it was a great time going out, singing and just having a great time.
We like to take a picnic up to the Blue Ridge Parkway and steal away from it all for some romance and respite. Foods can come from the garden and the only big price ticket is the gasoline, but we live close. Choose a spot that is special to you and a beautiful one close by!
A walk in the park with no children!!
My hubby and I like to get coffees and spend time together walking and talking in the park near our home.
I am a creative kind of person so I think a cool and cheap date would be fun if it also included a creative touch. As a couple you both could make a mold of your hand together with your spouse’s hand. Maybe you want the mold to show you two holding hands. Maybe the mold could be something more expressive such as her hand cupped into his. If you’re into something rough, the man’s hand could be holding her hand by the wrist. It’s whatever expresses your love, playfulness, fantasy etc. After you make the mold, then you can paint it to look like a bronze sculpture or get more realistic with your paints. Whatever you do, you’ll have fun making the mold, and then something to display that will be a reminder of your love forever! Now Corey, that’s an original idea for sure! I want to win the game!
On our honeymoon, we went to Vermont. We stopped at a farmer’s market one day and found summer sausage, cheese, apples, crackers, and wine that were all locally made there. We ate them on the balcony of our room, just enjoying the crisp air. So now, we like to get those items and go somewhere to watch the sunset.
what a delicious way to celebrate our marriage!
droppin’ my name in the hat!
My husband and I have 4 young children so “going out” dates are few and far between. This past summer we mowed down a walking path in the pasture behind our house. Now, when my husband and I need alone time together we just take a walk on our walking path. We can still keep and eye on the kids playing in the back yard as we are walking so there is no need for a sitter. Our kids even refer to our walks as our date when we go.
My wife and I really enjoy going to the paint your own pottery studio where for a small fee you can pick a piece like a plate, mug, platter etc and let our imagination go wild. They fire it for you and you can pick it up in about a week normally.
I love a quiet house, a bottle of wine and a fire….simple things seem to make sense when life is so crazy!
Send the kids to grandma’s for the night, rent a movie, pick up some take and bake dinner and spend the evening cuddled on the sofa.
One of my favorite “cheap dates” is to cook a meal voor each other as a surprise. We’re both vegetarians and it’s hard sometimes not to become redundant in our food choices, especially when using a meat substitute. We have some excellent cookbooks and we try to take turns on Saturday evenings when we have no other plans (which are few and far between anyway) and cook something new from one of the cookbooks. Some of the recipes become fixed staples in our “repertoire” and others remain adventures we tried but the idea of creating something for your partner that is so instinctive as food (basic life need) makes it feel like you are doing your partner a service. It’s a wonderful feeling to share necessities like food in this manner. Take the time to make it beautiful. Set the table with linens and candles; fresh flowers; place cards. Make a dessert that can ben eaten with your hands… aaahhh it’s great!
In this season of our life we covet our date time when we get it! Unless there is a great event going on or a movie we really want to see my husband and I often head to the bookstore after a nice dinner together. We both love to read and its a lovely break to just sit and browse through books/magazines that we are interested in without worrying about children and chores! Thanks for the opportunity to win this game!
We are addicted to home remodeling, so for a fun (for us!) and cheap way to spend an hour or two on Sat we’ll go to open houses and dream about what we might or might not do to our house.
My husband and I have precious little time together, so we make every effort to have lunch together. At times, it is the only hour we can get without his kids.
Thank you for the chance at winning this game. My fingers are crossed!!!
Playing scrabble with a bottle of Vino. The point is to make up new words and crack each other up in the process. Very fun!
Thank you so much for all of the creative date ideas!
A favorite cheap date that my wife and I share is simply to get out of the city for an afternoon! Whether or not we take food with us, we enjoy a leisurely drive through the countryside. Often we stop at one of the nearby wineries for a tour. It’s free to visit and stroll through the grounds, especially when one doesn’t like wine!
We love going out for sushi but that can get expensive so for Valentine’s day I bought the bamboo mats and we’re hoping to start making it at home (hopefully at least once before Christmas…!). You still have to pay for the food to prepare but WAY cheaper than paying per roll at a restaurant.
I have been married for 16 years this December and this is so sad to admit but my husband and I do not have special time. I am going to school and he is trying to find a job – between this and our 10 year old that sleeps with us – we have no imagination…we love each other deeply but maybe when you have been married as long as we have the spark is hard to find. We are really just lazy – I guess…
My husband and I don’t have kids yet- just our dog who we adore. Every night we take her on a walk around the neighborhood and discuss our days behind us and our lives ahead. This simple time to reconnect each evening is so rejuvenating.
Another cheap date idea we love is to go camping. We love nature and once you own the equipment (which doesn’t always have to be anything fancy), it’s a really cheap way to spend quality time together with few interruptions. Make sure to bring along a hammock to enjoy snuggled up together.
Another idea to train for something or prepare for a goal together. I recently ran my first marathon and although my husband is not a runner, he helped coach me and joined me on some of my training runs. This time together was so inspiring and reminded me of why we chose to run life together. It’s so wonderful to share life’s accomplishments with your spouse. And in this instance, cheap too!
One of my favorite frugal dates is simply going to the ice cream shop for an ice cream cone. We get a chance to sit and savor the ice cream and some wonderful conversation.
We have 2 small children, so our favorite thing to do is load them up in the bike trailer and go for a ride. Often we will bike to a park where they can play and we can visit with each other.
My fiance (I know, we’re getting in on this early) and I like to cook a meal together, over a bottle of wine (used to be two!) and talk about our day. Naturally the conversation would turn from the present to the future and before we knew it we were having deeper, more meaningful times together. We’re engaged to be married now in about two weeks, and can’t wait to follow the blog you’ve set here, Corey!
My husband and I have a special needs child, so getting to actually go on a “date” is really hard to do. But we both love college football so a cheap and easy date for us is a college football marathon on Saturdays.
Regina
A great movie night is to reserve a Redbox moive in the morning for $1 and then prepare a simple but nice dinner and after dinner snuggle and watch the movie. Even with the kids home we still find a chance to be alone together. We just start our date after 9:00 once the kids go to bed.
My wife and I love to suprise each other with a picnic basket, bottle of wine and some simple food in the trunk and head out to a local park or private location for an impromptu picnic. It is always a great way to spend some time together on a beautiful day and get lost in conversation.
An inexpensive date we enjoy is going for coffee and bagels on Saturday morning. It’s a nice time to figure out what our weekend plans are and reconnect after working all week.
We have 2 young kids and its not only expensive but hard to find a babysitter.so when the kids go to bed we pop some pocorn and have some candy and soda and watch a movie together!!!
My wife and I try to catch the leaves from the backyard trees, each catch warrants a kiss!
We make homemade pizza after the kids are in bed, and watch a movie together.
Our last cheap date was window shopping and then we both got a manicure. We live in China and they are less than $5. I got my nails painted, my husband did not.
We don’t have kids yet but we still covet our date nights even at home! Our favorite is to make fondue and sit and chat over our special dinner and laugh. And after dinner he usually gives me a foot massage!
My husband makes awesome lattes so he’ll make lattes, build a fire, and we’ll sit in the library and just be.
with 2 very young kids, we don’t get a lot of time to ourselves. What I miss is going on a long, quiet walk with my hubby and just holding hands and actually talking. Free, easy, but it seems like it’s nearly impossible to do lately.
I think a fun cheap date would be playing this game!
having your wife read new moon to you in the fireplace will alter the trip and would lead to sleeping instead…
If only we could brake down the walls to have an enjoyable time walking our dog together as a cheap date..
← Previous Comments