“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” ~ Albert Einstein
I used to want to be a professional ball player, didn’t really care which sport, just wanted to play for a living. I still do. But as I got older, I began to want other things more attainable than professional athlete status.
I wanted to travel to Scotland with my father, for example. (Done.) I wanted to get a Ph.D. before my father completed his. (Done – and you still owe me a $100, dad.) I wanted to climb the 14ers in Colorado. (2 down, 52 more to go. Hey, it’s a start, especially considering I live 10 hours away from the closest peak.)
All of these were and are big goals for me. How did I get them to happen? How do I get other, bigger things to happen in the future? And, since you people likely really don’t care about my goals and prefer your own, how do you get your big goals to happen?
We’re not talking about little goals, like I’m-going-to-get-my-kitchen-drawers-cleaned goals. We’re talking the really good stuff. The scary-good stuff.
Start Stupid-Small
Repeat after me good people: “The way to scary-good is through stupid-small.” It sounds silly, but it’s true. Being silly also helps you from being afraid of it. Stupid-small is the way to go.
When my wife and I were at our lowest point together, we applied this idea without even knowing it.
We both knew we wanted something better, but it seemed so far off. So we started small. We cleared some things off our calendars, we went to counseling, we talked and spent time together.
We didn’t achieve a better marriage overnight, but we began the journey – and that’s the point. We did it – so can you.
Starting stupid-small is only the beginning. Here’s what you do next …
Focus on the pencil
In the 60s during the height of the space race between the US and Russia, a problem emerged that threatened to crush all the American dreams and put a stop to all the plans. In space, the normal means of writing would not work. And since space travel apparently is contingent on the ability to write while traveling, there would be no way to get off the ground with – the ball-point pen.
The story continues that after years of research an American company finally developed the zero gravity pen, thus solving the immediate problem and making space travel once again a realistic goal.
Meanwhile, the Russians faced the same problem, their solution?
The pencil.
Sometimes, technology and the world we live in tries to hurry us along when we’d be better off walking.
While this story is actually untrue – this urban myth is simply designed to make you understand this:
Most of the time, simple is better.
Often, a pencil is all you need to get by.
Usually, the problem you are facing doesn’t need a complex solution.
Relationships are the same. So is marriage.
By keeping things simple, you increase the likelihood of better. Let me say that again – by keeping things simple, you increase the likelihood of better.
As you launch into the process of building a better marriage, remember these two main ideas:
- Start stupid-small
- Keep it simple
If you apply these two thoughts to everything in your marriage and life from this point forward, things will be better.
Right now, I’m working on lining up an agent so when that professional franchise phones needing a shooting guard, wide receiver, left winger, or a left handed closer – I’ll be ready to begin the negotiations.
What’s your scary-good goal? What’s your first stupid-small step? And how do you plan on keeping it simple?
Stupid small idea thanks to Taylor of Men With Pens
@jasondtaylor
I’d never heard the pen story – how funny. I was working up a post today on the topic of keeping things simple. “Keeping things simple forces a person to find the core of an idea. Finding the core requires “Forced Prioritization,” which means we are forced to decide what is most important and prioritize around that. It sounds simple and easy but in reality CAN BE HARD.
Loved this quote too:
“A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery
(hope that wasn’t too long winded…)
Sometimes we make things too complicated in our marriage and need to take a step back and look at each problem from a simplistic point of view to be able to solve it. Love your pencil analogy.
Well put
My scary goal is to end up living in a log cabin in the mountains by a lake, owning a quaint little artsy shop, flying an ultra light, and soaking up nature. That hits at my core passions.
What is a closer?
Laurie- A closer is a pitcher in baseball who comes in during the late innings to finish off the game.
I just love when I wake up and have a post in my inbox from you!! You have such a writing gift – Thank you for the fun stories too! The simple approach is best in nearly everything, I wish it was something that we could all grab hold of again.
Love this post, Corey!
And after 26 years of marriage, I can affirm that it’s the simple things that count the most. Time together is hugely important. Cheering each other on. Letting your spouse know how much you like being with them.
My scary-good goal? A huge 60th anniversary party!
YOU DESERVE A huge 30th!!!
Thank you for another great post. I agree that as time goes on you really find that your greatest joys come from the simple things in life. My wife and I realize this much more now after 8+ years of marriage than we did in the first few years when it seemed like we always needed to be chasing something.
Now, I cherish simple time spent in our daily 15 Minutes as a Couple (a previous blog post of mine incidentally), and I swell with pride when I hear my 4 year old son talk about how cool it was to go camping with his Daddy this summer, just the two of us. Both of these things are very simple, but they plant the seeds for a scary-good marriage and an awesome relationship with our children.
I meant to add that this is one of my favorite posts in the many blogs that I follow. Look for it in my Weekly Round-up of Interesting Reads on EngagedMarriage.com!
It is said that great thing start from small beginings, and you have elaborated it here. Sometimes, our mind is so clogged with complexities that we miss to see the simplicity of it all.
Great point. My marriage has many great aspects and oh so many needing to be changed. Today in talking something made me mention the time (a few months ago)that my husband threw out something I had just bought because the box was on the floor and he thought it was garbage (he didn’t look in the box and the baby had been playing with it!!!). He said, “and you will never let that go.” Ouch.
My small, simple goal is to let things go…
Cory,
I love your blog. I’ve been a lurker forever, and I loved your blog about kids and parenting. I hope you bring that back soon. Anyway, my goal right now is just getting my husband and I to spend more time together. He works full time and is going to law school at night. So we don’t see that much of each other and when we do he is studying and I’m taking care of our 6 year old twins. I want to have a date night at least once a month right now so we can reconnect. We talk at night so we know what each others schedule will be but it’s not the same as just going out having dinner and going for a walk. Just something simple. So my goal is just to pencil in a date night once a month.