Want to Improve Your Marriage? Build a Budget!

Budget.

What comes to mind when you see and say that word?

If you are like a lot of folks, it may sound like another word for constraint or a loss of independence.  Maybe it brings on a sense of dread or an instant yawn.  It may feel more like a four-letter exclamation than an innocent six-letter noun.

I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way.  In fact, budgeting can be an enjoyable experience that results in a valuable tool for your family.  And building a budget can enhance your marriage in a real way.

Am I delusional?  Please read on and decide for yourself.

Build Communication

If you are married, both spouses should have input in the budgeting process.   This is really a critical component of any budget that is actually going to work, which means that it is respected and followed by the entire family.

After all, why would you follow a plan that you may not agree with or that you feel has been forced upon you?  This is why communication is key to the budgeting process.  You and your spouse need to sit down together and discuss your financial goals and decide in advance how you want to use your money.

This doesn’t mean that you have to combine all areas of your financial life or change the way you spend money.  While there may be value in doing so, you can build your budget to accommodate joint or separate bank accounts, cash or credit card spending, and frugal or extravagant spending habits.

After all, this is your budget designed for your particular family’s situation.  You are in control…together.

It’s also totally fine if the “nerdier” spouse wants to create the draft budget and then get input from the other.  But there must be input and “buy-in” from both husband and wife that the final budget is a spending plan that they agree to stick to.

Again, this could be a plan to spend beyond your means and rack up crazy amounts of debt.  I hope it’s not, and most couples don’t plan to go deeply in debt, but the point is that you will communicate about your goals and decide together how to use your family’s financial resources.

That is the real beauty of building a budget for your own family and your own situation.

Build Trust

After you’ve sat down together and figured out your spending plan for the coming month, it’s time to put your money where your mouth was and spend as you have both agreed.  When a budget is in place, you can feel good about spending as you have planned.  However, you’ll have accountability to deal with when you are tempted to go astray.

Think back to the last time you spent a lot of money on something impulsively without talking to your spouse first. Was it part of your overall financial plan?  Did you have a bit of buyer’s remorse afterward?  How did your spouse react when they found out about your big purchase?

You and your spouse create the budget and you control what it says.  However, once you agree to it and you commit to each other that you’ll stick with the spending plan, you have an ongoing promise to your spouse to uphold.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t buy something that’s not part of the budget.  However, it does mean that you need to give your husband or wife a call to make sure they agree there’s good reason to change your mutual financial plan to accommodate it.  And the two of you can decide on the limit where the other needs to be consulted when a “spending audible” gets called.

Simply put, it means that you must trust your spouse to be financially responsible, and you must hold up your end of the agreement to them as well.

Communication builds a budget and trust makes it work.

Build Your Budget (It’s Not As Hard As You Think)

Hopefully, you can see how budgeting can enhance not only your financial situation but your marriage overall.  However, you may still be concerned that building a budget is too difficult or time consuming.

If you have avoided a budget because you feel like it is too limiting or too complicated, I urge you to give it a shot.  A budget could literally be as simple as putting pencil to notepad and setting a few broad income and spending categories as your guiding document.  For the nerdier among us, some sweet Excel spreadsheets may be just the thing.

However, the great news is there are many awesome budgeting software options available that make the process of creating and maintaining a family budget really easy.  I would encourage you to check out the available options and find one that’s the best fit for you and your preferences.

So, Am I Crazy?

I hope you can see the value of building a budget for your household.  It’s not only the end result that’s beneficial, but the process of creating the budget and sticking with it can be a major asset for your relationship in and of itself.

I think we can all agree that communication and trust are vital to a successful marriage.  And we all seek the peace that accompanies financial success and cohesiveness with our spouse on the topic of money.

The budget is the tool that helps us achieve all of this.  See, it’s not such a dreaded, confining and painful thing after all.

It’s just here to help.

I am anxious to hear your thoughts on this issue:

  • Do you utilize a budget in your marriage?
  • Do you agree that creating and following a spending plan can have such important benefits to your relationship?
  • Or do you think I am exaggerating the positive impacts of budgeting?
Photo courtesy borman818

Budgeting For Lazy People

A year ago on Simple Marriage: originally posted July 20, 2008 and considering all the news about the economy this can be a good refresher.

I married a CPA. At the risk of offending the CPA society, your brains are just wired differently than the rest of us. That is definitely the case with my wife.

I consider myself to be fairly good with numbers, and I did well in Math back in school, but I’m not in the league of the CPA. Although I do find great pleasure when my checkbook balances and hers is off a few cents. She returns the joy by poking fun at how long it takes me to complete the 1 star Sudoku puzzle.

For the life of our marriage, she preferred to live within a budget. In the early years of our marriage I would enter the discussions kicking and screaming. I always felt a budget was far too limiting. I didn’t want to cramp my style.

Needless to say, my attitude helped get us in a financial hole.

The two most common topics fought over in marriage are money and sex. I’ve written plenty of times on the sex topic, now it’s time to tackle the money.

When it comes to budgeting, there are those that live by one and those of us that swear tomorrow we are going to sit down and write one out. The intention is honest, we just have trouble following through.

So how do you set up a budget you’ll actually follow?

Glad you asked. To begin, remember this one simple rule: Spend less money than you make.

Now that we covered the main idea, let’s create a simple budget that even the greatest procrastinators can follow (if they ever get around to it).

Step 1: Have a conversation with your cash.
We place meaning on the things in life. Money is no different. What does your money mean to you? What value does it provide? Beyond money’s providing of the basic necessities like food, shelter, and keeping Mr. Tax Man from visiting, what’s your money for? Security. Fun. Power. Fame. Understanding the meaning we place on money can go a long way in helping you get your money under control.

Step 2: Where’s you money go?
Every budget begins with an understanding of where your money goes on a day-to-day basis. Don’t skip this step. If you don’t know where it all goes, you won’t be able to determine where you want it to go.

There are two ways to go about this step: the CPA way, where you track your spending for at least three months, inputting every penny in a multi-category, macro-enabled Excel spreadsheet, then pouring over every debit and credit each night, or can do this the lazy person’s way.

Lazy it is! For those who use credit cards for most of their spending (paid off in full each month of course) or if you use a debit card, review the monthly statements and categorize your spending areas. Some cards will do this already.

If you live on cold hard cash, write down all your expenditures for one week. You can then multiply these numbers by 4 (there’s that pesky math again) in order to get a rough idea of where your cash goes. This method obviously is leaving out the major monthly expenses like house, car, insurance and the like. Simply add these numbers to the monthly estimate. Simple eh?

If you chose the CPA way, at this point you would add up each column of the spreadsheet, run the macro/algorithm you’ve created in your spare time on Friday night, and analyze the results by running the final numbers through the statistical program you’re bound to have on your laptop.

Step 3: Plan to spend your cash.
Now that you have an idea where your money goes, it’s time to spend your hard earned cash. Not literally yet. Sorry. Instead, make a list of expenses for the upcoming three to six months. Things like vacations, car tune ups, or planning for paying off debt, saving, or investing in your favorite mutual fund. Do the same for long-term plans, two to five years out.

You now have a spending plan. Be sure to leave a little room for the unexpected cash you’re sure to need at times. Like when your car breaks down or your in-laws decide to move in for a few months.

Step 4: That pesky math again.
With your spending plan in front of you, add in items from your “wish list.” Then calculate what these items would run you on a monthly basis. For instance, for the upcoming family vacation, divide the total cost of the trip by the number of months until the trip. Viola, you have a way to prepare for the trip and pay for it as you go.

Step 5: Save money the no-brainer way.
This is really simple. Visit your bank and set up an automatic monthly transfer of money from your checking account to savings. This could be as little as $20 a month. No worries. Put something into savings every month.

Step 6: Cut out the frivolous spending.
The list of “must have” items is endless. In order to curb the frivolous purchase’s impact on your overall spending plans, try the “envelope” system. It’s easy:

  • Come up with a reasonable weekly amount you’ll allow yourself to spend in your biggest categories. (Those are typically “food” (or, depending on your lifestyle, get more specific such as “lunch,” “family dinners out”), “entertainment” (e.g. happy hours, movies, tabloids to pass the time), “transportation” (gas, parking, taxis, public transportation), “apparel/services” (dry cleaning, bangs trim, cute shoes.)
    For guidance, consider that the four biggest budget categories for typical American household are housing (34%), transportation (18%), food (13%) and entertainment (4%).
  • Create envelopes for each of those categories.
  • Put the allotted amount of cash to cover a week’s or month’s worth of expenses into each envelope. (You don’t have to carry the entire wad with you every day, but do make sure you don’t cheat with extra visits to the ATM.)
  • Once the cash is gone, so is your weekly stipend.

Remember, once you get a handle on your finances, you’ll free up more time to worry and fight about other things. But look at this way, you’ll have more money to go out on a nice date in order to make up.

Thanks to the Motley Fool for the steps to this plan.
Photo courtesy auntsmack4u

The Lazy Marriage’s Budget


Photo courtesy auntsmack4u

I married a CPA. At the risk of offending the CPA society, your brains are just wired differently than the rest of us. That is definitely the case with my wife.

I consider myself to be fairly good with numbers, and I did well in Math back in school, but I’m not in the league of the CPA. Although I do find great pleasure when my checkbook balances and hers is off a few cents. She returns the joy by poking fun at how long it takes me to complete the 1 star Sudoku puzzle.

For the life of our marriage, she preferred to live within a budget. For the beginning years of our marriage I would enter the discussions kicking and screaming. I always felt a budget was far too limiting. I didn’t want to cramp my style.

Needless to say, my attitude helped get us in a financial hole.

The two most common topics fought over in marriage are money and sex. I’ve written plenty of times on the sex topic, now it’s time to tackle the money.

When it comes to budgeting, there are those that live by one and those of us that swear tomorrow we are going to sit down and write one out. The intention is honest, we just have trouble following through.

So how do you set up a budget you’ll actually follow? Read more »