How to live a great story

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Welcome to 2012.

This year, same as the past several years, I’m on a mission to write and live a better story.

How is living a better story accomplished?

There are several parts to a great story (taken from Donald Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years).

  1. The characters.
  2. They have to want something.
  3. They have to move into the conflict in order to get what they want.
  4. And there has to be a climactic resolution.

So how exactly does this apply to you?

Every story has a main character.

That’s you … check.

The character has to want something.

Again, this is up to you. What do you want in life? This year? Today?

I’ll share a few things on my list. I also want Simple Marriage to be one of the best resources on the web for marriage and relationships. My wife and I both want to volunteer more in our community. We want to share life more with friends.

On a relational level, my wife and I want to continue to connect even more. To have more adventures, deeper conversations, better sex (yes, she’s on board with this, it’s not just my wish), and overall more fun together. To make this happen, we have to do more of the following.

The character has to move into the conflict in order to get what they want.

In the movies, this is called the inciting incident. It’s what sets the stage for the climactic ending where the main character saves the child, or defeats the bad guy, or goes the full fight with the much younger boxer.

On a marital level, we are presented countless opportunities to move into the conflict, but often this option is counter intuitive. Whenever you and your spouse disagree or see things differently, this is a great time to move into the conflict.

Bear in mind however, moving into the conflict doesn’t necessarily mean you must win.

If you enter into relational conflict with the plans on winning, you often wind up losing in the end. After all, if you must always be the winner, what’s that make your spouse?

I used to think that conflict was something to be avoided. That I could somehow navigate life and relationships without it. I’d take the easy way out of things. Even going so far as not speaking up if I was given the wrong meal at a restaurant.

During the first several years of marriage, I’d do almost anything to avoid conflict. I lived by the old adage - “happy wife, happy life” or “happy spouse, happy house.”

It didn’t take long to realize that when I lived according to other people’s happiness and when I habitually tried to avoid conflict, I harmed myself in the long run.

Conflict produces change.

Truth is, none of us really want to change. That’s why so many new years resolutions fail.

So what does it look like to move into conflict?

For you it may mean you finally voice your opinion on something. Or you speak up during sex because you’re getting nothing out of it at the moment. Or you start your own business on the side. Or you tell important people in your life “no” for the first time.

For me it meant speaking up and risk upsetting or disappointing my wife. It meant quitting a career to finish graduate school faster.

Basically, moving into conflict often is more about following your gut. In the midst of conflict, you generally have a gut feeling about the best way to handle the situation. Many times however, this is ignored and you simply react.

Slow down, breathe, listen to you gut.

There has to be a climactic resolution.

This is not simply when you die, although that definitely is a resolution. This is when you achieve your goal. When you connect deeper with your spouse. When you stand on top of the mountain.

Whatever it is, begin with the end in mind.

Imagine what it would be like to stand on top of the mountain. Or to truly have a mutually satisfying sexual encounter. Or a deeper connection.

This will help you envision the steps that may be necessary to get there.

Then move into the story and don’t look back.

What do you think?

(photo source)

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Secrets of Marriage

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In Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project she compiles a list of truisms about life as an adult – The Secrets of Adulthood.

While marriage is best when it involves two grown ups, relationships often have slightly different rules and truths.

So what are the Secrets of Marriage?

Here’s what I’ve come up … add your thoughts in the comments.

  • It helps tremendously if you can laugh at yourself.
  • Women really do enjoy flowers and chocolates.
  • The quality of sex ebbs and flows.
  • Laughter really does cure a lot.
  • The same result does occur if you keep doing the same thing.
  • Worries can be self-fulfilling prophesies. Let them go.
  • Conflict will happen.
  • Expectations are planned disappointments.
  • Little things are the things you love the most.
  • Learning more about anatomy really improves sex.
  • It’s easy to be infected by your spouse’s mood, but you can only change yours.
  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • Most decisions don’t require extensive research.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Happiness doesn’t always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don’t have to be good at everything.
  • What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you–and vice versa.
  • It’s okay to ask for help.

Your turn.

 

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I just want to be happy

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Post written by Corey Allan.

Every person seeks happiness.

You hear it all the time, “I just want to be happy.”

“Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” This last phrase points out an important aspect, the pursuit of happiness. There is no guarantee that it can be obtained.

One of the common things I see is people spending most every waking moment seeking happiness. As if it is something out there to be gained or discovered.

Perhaps this is a major contributor to the state of our society.

Watch television for more than five minutes and you will see this idea confirmed.

If I can only get the car, house, boat, job, relationship, salary increase; then life will be complete. I will lack nothing, at least until the next can’t-do-without product is available for purchase.

The average adult now has more than 4 different careers in their lifetime. My father-in-law had one job from the time he was a teenager until retirement. Forty-two years at the same job. That’s almost unheard of now.

It seems our society is more into the thought that if this job won’t bring about happiness, the next one will.

If this relationship doesn’t bring about happiness, then a relationship with him or her will.

If life in this tax bracket isn’t satisfying, then the next bracket up will be.

It’s the same story over and over. Something out there will complete my life.

It will fill the void.

What if the key to happiness rests internally?

What if happiness can be learned?

This starts with the idea that happiness is up to me.

My perspective of things will influence the results.

My expectations affect the outcome.

So what is it about my life that brings me happiness?

If I change my outlook from happiness being something out there to it resting internally, ask this:

What am I grateful for in my life?

What are my successes or wins lately?

When I focus too much on what else is out there, I neglect the things I currently possess.

Going to the other extreme is also unhealthy. Spending too much time focusing on what used to be produces blurred vision about what is.

Focusing too much on the future or too much on the past, I will miss a lot of what is going on now.

I think I have told every one of my clients at some point to slow down.

We live life at a fast enough speed as it is.

Sometimes speed only produces uncertainty.

Did you realize that of all the species on the planet, humans are the only ones that when lost, speed up. All other animals will slow down or even sit down until they get their bearings before proceeding.

Do you know where you really want to go?

What is your vision for life?

If you have trouble answering the preceding questions, that’s where you should spend some time reflecting and searching. Take an inventory of your current life. What are the things that you enjoy? What are the things that drain you?

Enjoy the things going on in life right now.

Happiness can be learned, and it starts with what’s going on inside you now.

Happiness is not something out there, its inside.

Resting deep within your soul waiting to be tapped into.

By slowing down and seeking what you really want, life will begin to be more aligned and then more full.

(photo source)

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We have trouble communicating

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Post written by Dr. Corey Allan. Originally posted Sept. 14, 2010.

The number one issue voiced by most couples is, “We have trouble communicating.”

It’s a common complaint.

And many couples think they would benefit from some communication training.

Many seem to think if they could better express themselves or if their spouse would only listen and understand what they mean then things in the marriage would dramatically improve. “Maybe if I learned to be more assertive and use more ‘I’ statements we’d have less problems.”

While the thought may be genuine and the results of actually implementing some of these techniques may improve the marriage a bit, in my experience – the improvements won’t be lasting.

When you get right down to it, communication in marriage is not about being understood by each other.

If that were indeed the case then you would have very little to argue about.

Communication is about handling what another person thinks and feels.

You see, married couples don’t have trouble communicating. They communicate all too well.

In a committed relationship, you can not not communicate (pardon the double negative).

Communication problems happen because you don’t like what the other person has to say. For instance, you may want your spouse to be more emotionally open and share their feelings, but you interrupt them when they say things you find unpleasant or disagree with (in your view, you may just want to keep the conversation “accurate”). You want a more expressive spouse, but want to control what they express.

And even if you are not talking to each other, you’re still communicating. You each know you don’t want to hear what the other has to say.

Communication break downs occur because you don’t like what the other person is saying, or not saying – not because you can’t communicate.

I’ll say it again, communicating in marriage is all about being able to handle the message.

When two people are able to handle the message, honesty increases. And when honesty in a relationship increases, you grow more as an individual and closer together. And through this growth you are capable of reaching new levels of passion and intimacy.

Honesty is an interesting thing. Most everyone believes they’re an honest person. But honesty with a stranger or a co-worker is different than honesty with a family member or spouse.

It’s more and more difficult to be honest in each relationship up the hierarchy of importance.

As the importance of the person increases, often the level of deep honesty decreases. Largely because the reactions to what you truly think mean more to you and involve more risk.

Here’s an example. My wife calls me up and asks how my morning was. I respond with “good, just writing away.” When in reality, I wasted the entire morning reading other blogs and searching for the latest gadget that will change my life forever. I don’t want to admit to her that I’m lazy. That means I’m admitting it to myself as well.

Or you’re sitting on the beach with your spouse as an attractive member of the opposite sex walks by. At that moment your spouse asks you what you’re thinking, do you tell them?

Being honest brings about growth in yourself and your spouse. If your thoughts are totally inappropriate in the beach scenario, I’m guessing you don’t share them with your spouse. But what does your honesty, or lack of honesty, say about you?

So how do you increase the honesty in marriage?

1. Speak up. By speaking up I’m not saying that you remove the filter between your brain and mouth, but speak up more. How often do you avoid replying or bringing something up out of fear of your partner’s reaction? There are times when you need to speak up in order to help your marriage and each other grow.

Many couples fall victim to thinking “if my spouse really cared about me, they’d be able to figure out what I’m feeling or thinking.” What part of your vows stated you’d read each other’s minds for as long as you both shall live? I’m guessing that wasn’t part of the ceremony.

Stop sitting back waiting for your spouse to pick up on the fact that you’re frustrated, ticked off, hurt, or lonely and speak up. Two things will happen. One, you will grow up a bit more because you’ve taken charge of your thoughts and emotions and two, your partner will grow up because you’re treating them like an adult who’s capable of handling your thoughts and emotions.

2. Make the obvious, obvious. If you’ve had a stressful day at work, when you come home you know it’s likely to be stressful there as well, right? So rather than letting the elephant in the room (the stress level in your life) walk around freely, point it out before you and your spouse get in to it.

A simple, “Hey honey, good to see you, (kiss), I’d like about 5 minutes to decompress from my day before I hear about your day, alright?”

Another way to make the obvious obvious is when the discussion starts to get heated, point it out. When you raise your voice in a conversation, it’s no longer about what’s best for all the people involved, it’s about your power and your pride.

3. Grow up. Many people go kicking and screaming into adulthood. I was one of them. I wanted things my way! Still do at times.

I used to think that life was all about me. And problems occurred when other people didn’t know this.

Marriage grows you up. Living with another person forces you to grow up. And just when it seems your spouse is done growing you up, your kids take over. That’s a simple fact of marriage.

Recognize this and harness the energy it creates.

Rather than seeing your spouse as someone who doesn’t get you, see them as someone who may want more from you. They may be looking for an erotic lover, a passionate friend, a warrior, a true supporter, or simply a partner in life’s adventure.

________

Interested in more on communication in marriage?

Check out He Said, She Said.

(photo source)

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Plan Your Meals and Feed Your Family in a Whole New Way

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Post written by money and career columnist Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage.

There is incredible power in the simple act of planning our family’s meals.

On the surface, it may seem like meal planning is restrictive or even boring.  However, like budgeting, it can actually be quite freeing when it’s done correctly and with a spirit of improving our marriage and family life.

Simply knowing what you’re going to eat at least a day in advance can have a major impact in your day-to-day life and your long-term success.

Let’s take a look at three key areas that will improve when you adopt meal planning as part of your busy life.

3 Reasons You Need to Plan Your Meals

1. Money

If you’re anything like most families (including ours until last year), you have a LOT of room for improvement financially in the food department.  In our case, we used to eat carryout restaurant food much too often, plus we wasted groceries on a regular basis.

We shopped for what we thought we needed during each grocery store trip, but without a plan we inevitably found ourselves opting for the “convenience” of takeout/delivery and (at the same time) letting groceries expire before we actually used them all up.

Plus, our grocery shopping trips weren’t organized to take advantage of sales and store discounts since there’s no way to know this information without some foresight, planning and guidance from a service that tracks it.

When we started planning our meals a week in advance, we saved an average of $317 per month on our food bill!  This may seem extreme, but I challenge you to take a hard look at your budget (you do have a budget, don’t you?) and see if there isn’t some major fat to be trimmed.

2. Health

Speaking of trimming fat,many of us could certainly use some help in eating healthier and in more reasonable proportions.  Again, meal planning can be a real help in this area.

When we sit down with our spouse and plan out a week of meals, we inevitably make better food choices than when we’re faced with last-minute decisions with a hungry stomach and cranky kids to deal with.  Once the food is purchased and the meal is set, it’s much easier to actually follow-through and eat well consistently.

Meal planning also allows us to avoid most last minute dinner “emergencies,” which means there’s no reason to run through McDonald’s or order pizza because “we don’t have anything to cook.”  Simply planning ahead for 5 nutritious, properly portioned dinners each week will make most families much more healthy.

3. Quality Time

A generation ago, there used to be a standing, unbreakable rule in most families that dinner time was spent together.  Unfortunately, with the busyness of our lives today, this regular quality time has been lost.

While meal planning alone won’t reschedule our priorities, it can certainly be a big step in right direction.  Rather than each family member doing their own thing, dinner planning encourages a family to eat the same meal, at the same time.  When Mom has dinner scheduled for 6:00 p.m., Dad knows he can’t just hit the drive-through on the way home.

Like budgeting, meal planning won’t force a family to change their behaviors and commit to better priorities, but it provides a wonderful framework to make it happen.

Meal Planning Services

There are many great meal planning options online that can cater to your particular needs.  In our house, we actually use a combination of two different services.

We love E-Mealz for planning our dinners and maximizing the savings on our grocery bill.  We also use the full custom nutrition calendar through our membership with Team Beachbody, which makes it easy to plan every meal of the day and balance our food choices with our exercise plans for a complete picture.

Regardless of whether you choose an inexpensive service like these or an old-fashioned pen and paper, you should give meal planning a try.  Do it for a week and see if you feel the value it adds to your marriage and family life are worth the “trouble” of planning ahead to save money, shrink your waistline and spend more quality time together as a family.

I think you’ll wonder how you ever managed your household without it.

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Expectations equal unhappiness

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Whatever you focus on, grows.

So how much time and energy do you spend focused on your expectations?

A good working definition of expectations is planned disappointment. And expectations are directly correlated with happiness, or more aptly, unhappiness.

When what we expect to happen does not happen, we are disappointed and we suffer pain at some level. The greater the expectation, the greater the pain.

Ironically, we are also likely to be unhappy even when our expectations ARE met!

I shall explain.

We are most grateful for the good things that come our way that we did not expect to happen.

If you expect your spouse to help with the housework, you will be disappointed, mad, sad, or angry when your spouse does not help you with the housework, but you won’t necessarily be grateful when your spouse does help with the housework. Depending on your history together, you may be

  • Pleased – “I’m glad we’re doing this together.”
  • Surprised – “I can’t believe you actually mopped the floor!”
  • Justified – “I do my share and you need to do your share.”
  • Vindicated – “It’s about time you started pulling your weight!”

When you are dog tired at the end of the day, and you walk in to find your spouse cleaning the kitchen, or putting the kids to bed when you expected them to be home late – that’s when you feel truly grateful – because you were not expecting the help!

When you are truly grateful for something, you cannot help but feel happiness.

Gratitude is the key to happiness and anything that undermines gratitude must undermine happiness. And nothing undermines gratitude as much as expectations. The more expectations you have, the less gratitude you will have. ~ Dennis Prager

Expectations and gratitude are opposite sides of the same coin.

Where do our expectations come from?

Our expectations are the confused result of our reactions, our thoughts, and our emotional heritage. We confuse wants with needs, anticipation with expectation, loneliness with emptiness, touch with sex, talk with communication, ideals with reality, and self with relationships.

We confuse what we can get only from within ourselves with what we can get only from a relationship.

This confusion drives us to continually

  • try to get from someone else what we can get only from ourselves,
  • or try to get from ourselves what we can get only from a relationship.

No matter how hard or long we try, we will never be complete in this life.

We cannot be complete as an individual, and we cannot be complete by marrying or having children.

We cannot be completely secure emotionally nor can we know everything about any one thing.

When we are fixated on finding completeness in this life, we become so anxious that we either aim for absolute safety or we stay paralyzed for fear of not getting it [completeness].

The expectation that we can be complete and the desperate search for it leads people to attempt the impossible. The fantasy world is full of the illusion of completeness – which leads people to drugs, sex, alcohol, money, conflict, helplessness, power – all of the world’s ills.

We’re all a little lonely, we all feel some sense of inadequacy, some fear of failure – in other words, we all feel some emptiness.

This is a natural state of being, and in my Christian worldview, designed by God to draw us to Him.

Growing up – becoming emotionally mature – is all about how we handle the uncertainty – the incompleteness – of life. When we are able to accept and understand that this emptiness is a natural part of being human, we are on the path to a better life.

The less aware we are of our own emptiness, the more unrealistically we raise our level of expectations on others. High expectations become hypersensitive and emotionally reactive. So much focus is placed on what others are or are not doing that there is little time left for self-focus.

The more successfully we can lower our expectations of others, the more time we have to develop our personal sense of responsibility – and the more effort we put into living up to our personal responsibilities, the more we experience responsibility as joy and fulfillment.

Unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want now.

We want whatever makes us uncomfortable – our anxieties, our insecurities, our challenges – we want that discomfort to go away RIGHT NOW. But deep down, what we want most is to be more – more loving, more forgiving, more compassionate, and more grateful.

Make gratitude a habit.

  • Write down three things everyday that you are grateful for –– and see how many days you can come up three things to be grateful for – without repeating yourself!
  • Get a copy of The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude by Sarah Ban Breathnach and write in it everyday for a year.
  • Write your gratitudes on post-it notes and stick them around the house, in the car, in your spouse/kids’ lunch bags . . . surround yourself with reminders of what you have to be grateful for.
  • Send a note to everyone that helped you in some way this year – and start with those closest to you – your spouse, your kids, your parents, and your siblings.

Whatever you focus on, grows.

Grow your happiness by lowering your expectations and growing your gratefulness.

Another great read on this idea can be found here: Toss your expectations into the ocean.

Prager, D. 1998. Happiness is a serious problem.
Fogarty, T.F. 1978. On emptiness and closeness. In The Family, Compendium I.
(photo source)

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The Awakening

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Editor’s Note: The author of this is unknown. But it is a great read. Enjoy.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it …

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice in your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying! You are tired of struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh, and what you should wear, and where you should shop, and what you should drive, how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are, what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.

And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man (or woman) on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love … and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms … just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely … and you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you ”stack up”.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings or entitlement are perfectly OK … and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want … and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won’t settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his/her touch … and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. You learn that your body really is your temple. And, you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve … and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, FEAR ITSELF.

You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometime bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.

It’s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state – the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

(photo source)

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5 Passionate Truths About You

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Guest post from Dr. Todd Sellick of A Private Affair.

How are your New Years Resolutions going?

Still making it to the gym?

Eating healthier?

Taking your spouse on a date?

The Internet world is filled with New Years Resolution talk every year, there are countless blogs aimed at self improvement and personal development … yet, a vast majority of people fail to follow through with whatever goal, plan, dream, resolution they make.

Why?

Do we simply dream too big?

Or, is it more likely that life gets in the way?

We each know the things that consume us each week. You know what I’m talking about … the things that are mostly non-negotiable but often feel like a waste of time.

Often, our lives are dominated by the tyranny of the urgent. The immediate replaces the important. Stephen Covey advice, “the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”

So riddle me this …

How would you fill in this blank?

Any time spent  _____________  is absolutely not a waste of time!

What’s the very first thing that came to your mind?

Now, ask your husband or wife for their “first response.”  Any surprises there?

I wonder if we might do better to brainstorm with this simple question for just a few minutes.

Instead of tangible goals or resolutions, see what pops into your brain, in one minute or less, list…

For me, any time spent  _____________  is absolutely not a waste of time!

1.  ____________________________________

2.  ____________________________________

3.  ____________________________________

4.  ____________________________________

5.  ____________________________________

Got them? Five passionate truths about who you are when you are most yourself!

Now write these down somewhere.

Five reminders about what’s really important, what matters, what will make the difference in the long run, have enduring value, you name it.

Ask your husband or wife to do the same. No cheating please. Compare notes and perhaps discover something about the other.

My suspicion is that these five ideas might be a bit more stimulating and rewarding than your garden variety resolutions.

Someone once remarked that “the main disease of old age is regret.”

Do you think this may be true?

Incorporate these 5 things in your life and I’d imagine that regret at the end will be non-existent.

Build off this list and create a marriage of your dreams! Do something big. While there may be struggle involved along the way … I’ll bet most everything I own that there will be little, if any, regret.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”  ~ Goethe

Adapted from my friend Dr. Todd Sellick of A Private Affair. Click on the link and enter for a chance to win his game. As someone who’s played A Private Affair many times, you’ll want your own.

(photo source)

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