Do you know the best way to take care of your spouse and family?
Take care of yourself FIRST.
Such a simple thing, but how many of us actually do it?
Consider the old adage, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” That’s not far from the truth.
Here are some ideas on how to take care of yourself.
- SLEEP. Schedule enough time each day to get adequate sleep. If you are still groggy most days when the alarm interrupts your slumber, consider going to bed 15 or 20 minutes earlier. If you tend to have problems sleeping, talk to your doctor or a sleep specialist.
- STRETCH. When you wake up in the morning, take a few minutes to stretch your muscles to help prepare for the new day. Try some simple bends and stretch like a cat to relieve the kinks in your bones.
- SOOTHE. Set aside at least 15 minutes every day to do something personal for yourself. Maybe it’s to read a romantic novel, take a relaxing bath or meditate to relieve the stress of the day. You deserve this little luxury, whatever feels right for you.
- SMILE. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, so take the easy way out. The great thing about giving someone a big smile is that they most likely will give it right back. Then you both feel better, which is a nice win-win situation. Here’s another idea: If you happen to spend a lot of time on the telephone, put a small mirror where you can see it. The person on the other end of the phone will hear the smile in your voice.
- SAVOR. Take the time to smell the roses. Look for things to be grateful for every day. We are fortunate to have a roof over our heads, food to eat, a safe environment and a sun that rises every day. Even on bad days, we can find something to appreciate.
- SIMPLIFY. Reconsider all the things you think “have to” be done. For example, Easter is coming soon. How many of your planned activities can be pared down to save time, money and aggravation? Ask your children and family for feedback. Do they really care if the hot-cross buns are homemade or bought? Can the Easter Bunny bring simply colored eggs instead of individual masterpieces?
- SAY NO. Choose which activities & commitments in your life are worthwhile. Just because someone asks you to do something doesn’t mean you have to. Even better, you don’t have to give a reason why you can’t do it this time. Just say, “Sorry, I won’t be able to [whatever].” I used to have a small plaque on my desk that made a good reminder. It said, “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
- SAY YES. Say yes to putting yourself first. You deserve it and so does your family.
(photo source)
Very true, how do you expect to take care of your family if you’re a stumbling, sleep deprived ogre 90% of the time!
Chris, sometimes just being aware that we are becoming an ogre an help us try another tactic. Of course, when we need sleep the most is when we have the most to do, too.
Beth- YES YES YES…and as I watch my driven son lose sight of this message (at his tender age of 14), I realize that in our crazy intense world it is such important modeling for our children as well!
Pearl, hopefully your son will learn from you that actions speak louder than words.
Beth,
Thanks so much for these great reminders, I need to remember to sleep and simplify.
Shannon, those are two of my favorites from the list, too. I have a plaque right on my desk that just says “Simplify.” Maybe one of these days I’ll actually be able to do that.
This goes along with what they tell you on an airplane…..put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else!
Yep, another good way to put it. Thanks for the comment.
Great advice. For the past month I have been trying to sleep at least 8 hours a night. I started it because I was trying to give up caffeine, and thought the only way I am going to do it is to sleep enough. I don’t know if it is the lack of caffeine or the extra sleep but I feel great.
One thing I have noticed when I take good care of myself is that it encourages others in my family to take care of themselves. Although sometimes it is hard to get everything situated so I can go for a run, my children see the example of me making time to take care of myself. I hope that when they are old enough, the example I have set will encourage them to take care of themselves.
Julie,
One way I know I am getting enough sleep is when I wake up before the alarm goes off. An added benefit is that it is so much more peaceful to awaken before the annoying buzzer interrupts my dreams.
great tips: especially number 7!!! That’s the only thing that is missing in my life at the moment. When I don’t do number 7 (say no!), I usually end up frowning, rushing, and regretting.
Lenci, #7 tends to be my downfall when I get the buziest. It takes real energy to watch out for ourselves, but it’s definitely worth it.
Excellent advice, Beth! It can be so easy to lose sight of this simple reality in the busyness of our crazy lives. I find that it helps if we “remind” our spouse of these needs for their sake. If I can take 15 minutes of “full household duty” to allow my wife the time to “Soothe,” everyone wins!
Dustin, I love that you assume responsibilities for your wife so she can have some time to unwind. What a great win-win for all of you. Another idea is to enjoy some family time together whenever you can.
Number 8 is so typical of this modern age: SELFISHNESS.
Corey, interesting that you see #8 (Saying Yes) as selfishness, while I see it as self-preservation. If we always put everyone else first, we will not have enough time or energy to ensure we are healthy and rested. Nor will those around us have any incentive to do things for themselves.
Love this!! I gave it a thumbs up on stumble upon!
Alison, thanks for the Stumble Upon & I’m glad you liked the article.
This is so very true. If mom isn’t happy know on is. So ladies take care of yourself, it keeps everyone in the home happy and they will respect you for it.
Debbie
Just Stumbled Upon you…so ironic, too, because I just posted a similar post to my blog this morning. Taking care of yourself = Loving Yourself = Loving Your Family better! Great!
Stephanie,
Thanks for the Stumble. It seems like great minds thin alike sometimes, but the concept of taking care of yourself is always a great subject. I love your equation: “Taking care of yourself = Loving Yourself = Loving Your Family better!” and I enjoyed reading your blog.
I’ve been here about five minutes and have decided it’s my new favorite blog. Thanks for sharing!
True that, Sista! I totally agree with your tips. Nicely said.
Thanks, Tight Knot. Sometimes we forget how important it is to take care of ourselves. After all, who takes care of everyone else? I like to think of it as an investment in the family.
really i just forget to live up happy,in actual i have lot of thngs that others even don’t have,i realize dat i have a wonderful and beautiful life ,GOD has given me up!!!!!!!!
#8 has been the most difficult. I have always been the last on the list. I felt the need to be needed. Yes it makes me very happy to help others but I find everyone else dictating or controling my happiness. I rarely say no. Never thought I had a self-esteem problem. This is now my goal for the new year.
Here is where I would disagree but with a slightly different approach. We have to be careful that we are not so focused on self that we ignore the needs of our spouse. Yes there are times we need to take some “Me Time” but that can’t be the focus of our life. Because my wife has had a 6 year battle with Liver Disease 95% of my focus HAS to be on her needs, most of the time that means at the cost of my needs.
Also another take. Believe me I have met MANY spouses through work, aquantences etc that spend all their energy on me, me, me. Everything is about them, what they want & the needs of their spouse are ignored. Now this is what this type just doesn’t get. If BOTH spouses are focusing on the other person, if BOTH devote time to fulfilling the desires of their husband/wife then both end up getting what they want anyway. Problem with that is far to many today wont lift a finger to help their spouse. I see it every day & they wonder why they are miserable. Many use this very mantra of taking care of self first. I am not saying that the thought is wrong. But like many things it can really be abused.
I have been sole care giver to my wife for about 6 years now. At times it is VERY hard. At times it requires a total sacrifice of self. I am AMAZED at the number of people who have told me that I “should just leave her because it is such a hard life & I need to take care or me”. So much for in sickness & in health. I would have thought that these comments would have been from men. After all society says that women traditionally are nurturiers & caregivers. What is stunning to me is that every single person who made these comments were women.
Every man has told me that I am doing the right thing by doing my job as a loving husband. Now several ladies have said I am doing the right thing. Sadly that isn’t the majority. The majority of them have said I should leave. Yes as a caregiver I have had to learn it is important to do some things for myself just to be a good husband & caregiver. But I also think this is the danger that this mantra of taking care of self first has left the marriage where it is today. Too many should have the vows of for better or until tough times come up.
Ron,
I am sorry for the difficult times you are having, but it is admirable that you are caring for your wife. My intention was never to imply that we should always focus on ourselves, only that we have to ensure we are well-rested and able to care for the rest of our family.
Good luck to you and your family.
Thanks & we actually agree. I didn’t mean to imply that you were implying…LOL
There have been times when the bride gets pretty bad where sleep is hard to come by. They are stressful & I have had to accept help with sitters when available. I also play music & get to take 1 day a week to just do that. It is my escape from the daily grind & refreshes my soul. I was just saying that some do take the take care of self to the extreme of ONLY take care of self.
Have a GREAT day
Ron
Ron,
Whew! I’m really glad to know you are actually taking care of yourself. We all need to do that at times, even as we continue to take care of those around us who need help.
Beth
I can see where Ron is coming from.
We have to be careful not to let this caring for self become such a focus that our partners and children get little more than leftovers.
There is something to be said for the joy and confidence that comes with putting our family’s needs above our own, the beauty in serving, and Christ is a great example of this.
Jen,
I agree that Christ is a powerful example of unselfishness. I do not advocate always focusing on ourselves, but rather to ensure that we have the energy & stamina to focus on our families. Thanks for the comment.