The 21-Day Complaint Free Marriage Experiment
Photo courtesy Fugasa
My wife and I have embarked on a 21-day complaint free marriage experiment. I was first introduced to this idea on Tim Ferriss’ blog. In fact, there is a huge movement towards a complaint free world, almost 5 million bracelets distributed worldwide.
The idea is simple; go 21 days in a row without complaining. Sounds easy, right?
Nope!
After only 2 days, we both had already started over twice. And I consider myself to be a pretty optimistic person. I found out there is still work to be done.
This whole thing was started by Will Bowen, a Kansas City minister, who recognized there was far too much complaining in the world. He proposes that word choice determines thought choice, which determines emotions and actions. If you can eliminate complaining, you will experience more happiness.
Will’s designed one possible solution: wear a purple bracelet (actually anything will do, I have been using a rubber band), go 21 days in a row without complaining, gossiping, or criticizing. If you mess up, that’s ok, switch the bracelet to the other arm and start again at day 1.
So what exactly is a complaint?
My wife and I have already had many discussions on the subject. Here’s what we have come up with thus far. Any negative description of an event, person, or issue. Gossiping is pretty easy to define. As is criticizi
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.19 Responses to “The 21-Day Complaint Free Marriage Experiment”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
Trackbacks
-
[...] followed a link from the Simple Marriage Project blog. This led me to a website, A Complaint Free World. That, in turn, led me to the library to [...]
-
[...] week I introduced the idea of going 21 days in a row without complaining. The idea is from a Kansas City minister named Will Bowenwho has created a buzz across the [...]
-
[...] offer solutions. Many times when things don’t go our way, we let it be known in the form of a complaint. Complaints don’t really help the situation; instead they often make things worse. If [...]
-
[...] Hayden over at Persistent Illusion, featured the Simple Marriage Project. The spotlight was on the 21 day complaint free marriage experiment, which has sparked a lot of energy and conversation with those who’ve joined [...]
-
[...] cool post I came across about not complaining for 21 days. I’m going to try [...]
-
[...] Complain. Complaining is like a rocking chair. It feels comfortable and you feel like your getting something done by rocking, but you don’t go anywhere. To break this, try the 21 day complaint free marriage experiment. [...]
-
[...] get all the details about the premise, check out the original post as well as the follow up [...]
-
[...] join in the wife bashfest, at the end of the exchange, what’s really changed? It’s like complaining, you may feel like you’re accomplishing something but you don’t end up getting [...]
-
[...] some of the things on the Simple Marriage Project, and Corey was the one who gave me the link to a Complaint Free World when he started his Complaint Free Marriage [...]
-
[...] like to take this experiment to another level, see if you can go 40 days in a row. Similar to the Complaint Free Marriage Experiment, if you miss a day of kindness, you start over at day one [...]
-
The 5 Steps To A Simple Marriage- Part 2: Get Out Of The Rocking Chair | The Simple Marriage Project says:
[...] when I set out to complete the 21 day complaint free marriage experiment, I believed I was firmly in the half-full camp. Optimistic. Upbeat. I quickly discovered was I was [...]
-
[...] feel like you’re getting something done. But you don’t end up going anywhere. Try the 21-day complaint-free marriage experiment. Offer solutions to life’s problems rather than complain. Take action in life and marriage [...]
-
[...] feel like you’re getting something done. But you don’t end up going anywhere. Try the 21-day complaint-free marriage experiment. Offer solutions to life’s problems rather than complain. Take action in life and marriage [...]
-
[...] feel like you’re getting something done. But you don’t end up going anywhere. Try the 21-day complaint-free marriage experiment. Offer solutions to life’s problems rather than complain. Take action in life and marriage [...]
-
[...] The 21-Day Complaint Free Marriage Experiment [...]
-
[...] it works. For 21 days you will live a complaint free marriage. I read about it first on Simple Marriage and here is how it [...]
Great idea. I can see where it would improve your outlook on things to not complain. I have to admit, I complained a lot last night when I was running to the toilet with my hand over my mouth.
I’ve been playing around with your SMC forum. It will be a fun thing to do.
I am going to try this with my daughter. If she’s not game I’ll do it on my own. At the very least, it will help me become MORE CONSCIOUS of what comes out of my mouth. Thanks.
I gave this a shot too back when I saw it on Tim Ferriss’ blog, I think I lasted about 4 hours. Sometimes I feel mutual complaining actually strengthens my marriage, as long as we’re complaining about the state of the world and not each other
But I agree, complaining is rarely – if ever – productive. Time to give the complaint diet another try.