I’ve brought this question up a couple of times thus far, but it’s always been buried in a post somewhere towards the bottom.
Today it’s front and center.
This weekend, spend some time examining your response.
Be open. Be realistic. But most importantly, be honest.
So what’s the best question you can ask?
Would you want to be married to you?
Photo courtesy *** Steph ***
That is a great question and requires honesty with self or denial of the truth.
I am sure one day states will actually allow you to be married to yourself.
But Lantz- if you can one day marry yourself, if you end up getting divorced down the road, who get’s the money?
Oh, wait … the lawyers.
Sorry, I don’t think this is a relevant question. Just for the record, I would not want to be married to myself but why would that matter, anyway? What would I gain from this insight? I may still be an outstanding partner to my wife and a very good match, since she has different preferences than I do. At the same time I may be the worst partner to others including myself if that was indeed possible. And who really cares about that? I sure don’t.
My take on this question was more, are you treating your spouse the way you would want to be treated. Are you being caring, supportive, adventurous, trustworthy, etc. I remember many years ago, my spouse telling me that he was treating the people at work with more respect and care than he was treating me. He realized that was unacceptable and made some changes. I think this is more what the question is trying to get us to think about.
ctreit, you bring up a good point that different people have different preferences. However, I do feel that this question helps one better understand their participation in the relationship (it works not only with marriage, but also friendship, work, etc). I know that I can look at some of my relationships and see where I need some work, but also where I am doing a good job. So now I know what to keep doing, and what I need to improve.
Would I want to be married to me? — kind of a weird question. I think I would be okay with myself. I would find myself too predictable and boring at times. Of course, since I know me that makes sense. I don’t think my wife always finds me that way — predictable maybe but that is because she knows me and how I think very well — that is a good thing. She likes a certain amount of predictability.
I guess I don’t quite get the point of this question. I think your perception of yourself is different from others perception of you. A marriage or partnership is the result of two peoples attitudes, personalities, etc. mixing and mixing well or not. So looking at if you would marry you, seems interesting although somewhat inaccurate.
When people ask me about marriage and relationship stuff. I often ask them if they would do it over again — specifically “if you know what you know now about your partner, and just met them would you marry them?” Not a practical question, but I think it is telling. If you answer honestly and it is ‘no’, then I think that is a sign of an issue.
If I had answered this question a few years ago I think I would have said no. I was not the best partner. Not putting myself out there for my spouse intimately. I was hiding in many ways. Now, I believe I am a better partner and would say yes. I’ve done a lot of looking in the mirror and have grown up a bit.
I remember a few years when a friend was going through a difficult time in her marriage. She was telling me and some other friends about what her husband was doing. But then she stopped and said that when she got really irritated with him, she would ask herself that very same question: would I want to be married to me?
That has stuck with me and is something I ask myself when I give in to the temptation to pick at my husband and be irritated about his failings, real or imagined. I remember that being married to me is not a walk in the park, by any means, and that he puts up with way more than I deserve. And it wouldn’t kill me to do the same for him. I know I wouldn’t want to be married to me, but I am very grateful that my husband has a different opinion.
Great question.