Comments on: The Nice Guy Syndrome

By: Arthur thom,as

Arthur thom,as — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 23:41:14 +0000

Hello everyone, In the bible, I read First Corinthians Chapter 11 verses 8 and 9 where it says: man did not come from woman, but woman from man; 9 neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. I read these chapeters and verses to fine out why many nice or shy guys are having failing relationships or marriages with thier girlfriends or wives.

By: Simple Marriage | How to unlock your sexual potential

Simple Marriage | How to unlock your sexual potential — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:06:42 +0000

[...] are afraid of this power. It’s labeled as bad or something dirty. It’s something Nice Guys and Nice Girls would never [...]

By: Simple Marriage | Heads up, compromising in your marriage may ruin things

Simple Marriage | Heads up, compromising in your marriage may ruin things — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 00:13:26 +0000

[...] people, especially Nice Guys, pleasers, and fixers, give in to others as a way to manage their own anxiety and discomfort with [...]

By: Simple Marriage | Now Enrolling … He Said, She Said

Simple Marriage | Now Enrolling … He Said, She Said — Sun, 29 May 2011 18:26:21 +0000

[...] consider themselves a Nice Guy or Nice Girl [...]

By: Simple Marriage | The paradox of relationships

Simple Marriage | The paradox of relationships — Sun, 08 May 2011 21:06:11 +0000

[...] many chameleons do you meet each [...]

By: Sharon

Sharon — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 17:29:21 +0000

Thanks for this post. It reminded me once again how fortunate and blessed I am to have married my husband! It still shocks me to this day that when I met him, he was dead set on finding a wife and having kids! It seems to me nowadays that so many men are not looking for commitment or responsibility. My husband was raised in another culture for the first half of his life. I don’t know if that has anything to do with why he is different from the type of man you described. I had been known to “wear the pants” in previous relationships, but I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to find a man capable (whom I trust) to be a leader. Sure it’s not always fun to have to compromise when you were used to getting your way most of the time in the past, but it makes me respect him so much more, that he will voice his own opinions and not clam up at the prospect of disagreeing with me openly.

By: Simple Marriage | The Art of Healthy Selfishness

Simple Marriage | The Art of Healthy Selfishness — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 16:17:10 +0000

[...] seem to be where we most often reside. Society teaches that selfishness is bad, so a generation of Nice Guys is the [...]

By: Ron

Ron — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 19:33:52 +0000

Interesting. Do you have a camera in my house?..lol I am one of those prototypical “Nice Guys”. I DO often have trouble with conflict. I actually avoid it whenever possible. One thing that really caught my attention in this post was the thought of putting ones self first seems to be treated as a virtue? Or did I misunderstand? I am the first to admit that while being the nice guy does have it’s advantages, it can also come with some cost. After my divorce from my first wife & entering the dating world I would run across women who claim to want a nice guy. I took that to mean a gentleman. I was raised to be that & take pride in it. In reality what SOME (not all) of those want is somebody they can walk on & take advantage of. Somebody who can provide what “they want” while giving nothing of themselves. Not in a good way but the “taker type”.

That being said I am not such a “nice guy” that I didn’t recognize it in short order & DUMP those…HA! I usually gave a couple of chances. After all the nice guy can be understanding & hey we all can think of self from time to time. But if it continued in a destructive way, it was see ya time.

Being the nice guy also has it’s good points. It allowed me, after some weeding through the bad ones to date some quality women. Women who really would appreciate somebody who is nice, thoughtful, opens doors, pulls out chairs & the stuff us nice guys do. Women who themselves are very nice, considerate of others etc. Believe me it was quite the challenge to find this. When entering the dating world at my age then (38-42) most of the available women were themselves divorced. What I discovered was more than a few of them were divorced for a good reason…NOBODY could live with them….HA!! (sort of kidding, sort of not…lol)

I came across people with some SERIOUS issues. Including, but not limited to some of the most self centered, narcissitic people you can imagine. In addition to those add, drunks, abusers, drug addicts & some that were just plain mean. But as is true with women in this scene you just have to weed through a few frogs to find a prince or in my case a princess. Believe me ladies I have over the years met years many male jerks & wondered what woman would ever want to be with this guy. But since I am a guy I don’t have personal experience with that so I can’t comment

However the result in the end was I was able to meet a woman who is the love of my life. Somebody who is NOT self centered. Some body who wont take advantage of the nice guy & somebody I can spend the rest of my life with. If somebody is NOT the nice guy, then they more than likely would never have the chance of marrying a woman of this quality. Many women of quality & character will not get into long term relationships with men who don’t display that nice guy character. To get a qulaity wife we need to be a quality huisband.

The payoff for her is my wife gets the security of knowing she will never be mistreated & has a husband that put her before self. A husband that has dedicated his life to being a life partner & will care for her when called upon. In our case she has now had a 6 year battle with Liver Disease & is considered terminal. Many men who aren’t the nice guy & who do put self first would have left as soon as the going got rough.

By: stivee

stivee — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 15:23:53 +0000

“I think women have also been raised to believe that the Nice Guy is who we want, when in reality we need a protector of our heart so that our beauty can be plainly shown to the world.”

Let’s just agree that women are not all one person who want one thing. Clearly I don’t want what you want, and I don’t want a Nice Guy, either.

By: stivee

stivee — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 15:14:38 +0000

“He takes the lead in all things, but doesn’t ignore what his woman likes.”

That sounds a lot like headship to me, as in “I’ll listen to you on everything but the major decisions regardless of the fact that we’re equally experienced and intelligent.”

He suggested the date, so it’s natural that he would take the lead, but he shouldn’t take the lead in “all things” and bestow leadership on her when he sees fit. He’s picking the restaurant, he’s picking the conversation topics, he’s not letting her do anything for herself. What if he weren’t so interesting? What if the restaurant turned out to be disgusting? That’d be a really lame date. Do we, as women, want to just sit back allow men to lead in “all things” and just hope that they know what they’re doing?

You left out the example where they both bring up interesting topics, and where they decide where they’d like to go together.