Comments on: The Pitfalls Of We Speak http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-pitfalls-of-we-speak.html A better marriage by keeping it simple. Sun, 01 Aug 2010 08:58:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: What are Your Holiday Expectations? — Simple Marriage http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-pitfalls-of-we-speak.html#comment-5419 What are Your Holiday Expectations? — Simple Marriage Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:35:52 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=3355#comment-5419 [...] the time of year when relationships seem to be under a microscope. “We-ness” expectations run rampant. “We” should want, feel, think, the same, or at least very similar, [...] [...] the time of year when relationships seem to be under a microscope. “We-ness” expectations run rampant. “We” should want, feel, think, the same, or at least very similar, [...]

]]> By: bostoncounseling http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-pitfalls-of-we-speak.html#comment-5407 bostoncounseling Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:01:15 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=3355#comment-5407 I agree, the "fusion fantasy" can be really strong with some couples. And as you've shown, it is reinforced by both culture and religion! A hard place for therapists to start when working with couples with this mindset. I've found that I need to build a lot of trust with clients before suggesting that some of the ideas they're keeping about "two become one" are not realistic, and are even harming the relationship. I agree, the “fusion fantasy” can be really strong with some couples. And as you've shown, it is reinforced by both culture and religion! A hard place for therapists to start when working with couples with this mindset. I've found that I need to build a lot of trust with clients before suggesting that some of the ideas they're keeping about “two become one” are not realistic, and are even harming the relationship.

]]> By: Corey http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-pitfalls-of-we-speak.html#comment-5388 Corey Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:43:07 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=3355#comment-5388 Great quote - thanks. Great quote – thanks.

]]> By: Ian|QuantumLearning http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-pitfalls-of-we-speak.html#comment-5362 Ian|QuantumLearning Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:04:47 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=3355#comment-5362 Having been in one of those 'we' marriages (many years ago) I learned this the hard way. Great article. I like how Kahlil Gibran puts it: "And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow." Having been in one of those ‘we’ marriages (many years ago) I learned this the hard way. Great article.

I like how Kahlil Gibran puts it:

“And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

]]> By: Dustin | Engaged Marriage http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-pitfalls-of-we-speak.html#comment-5361 Dustin | Engaged Marriage Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:20:03 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=3355#comment-5361 Hmmm...great food for thought here, Corey. I agree with you in the strict terms that we remain individuals after we get married. After all, we have our own unique thoughts, needs and feelings. However, I personally feel like we should be striving toward "oneness" where our most influential and vital relationship is our marriage. I draw a lot of strength, motivation and life from my wife and my marriage. If I lost her, I would truly lose part of myself. Sure, we are not totally together and certainly not conjoined physically. But we ARE joined spiritually and emotionally, and we strive everyday to be MORE together, not less. Hmmm…great food for thought here, Corey. I agree with you in the strict terms that we remain individuals after we get married. After all, we have our own unique thoughts, needs and feelings.

However, I personally feel like we should be striving toward “oneness” where our most influential and vital relationship is our marriage. I draw a lot of strength, motivation and life from my wife and my marriage. If I lost her, I would truly lose part of myself.

Sure, we are not totally together and certainly not conjoined physically. But we ARE joined spiritually and emotionally, and we strive everyday to be MORE together, not less.

]]> By: carolina http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-pitfalls-of-we-speak.html#comment-5360 carolina Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:00:39 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=3355#comment-5360 well said! well said!

]]> By: Laurie http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-pitfalls-of-we-speak.html#comment-5357 Laurie Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:42:54 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=3355#comment-5357 I never wanted to be a conjoined twin but somehow, without realizing, the tissues just started to fuse. While I'm not totally through the surgery to separate, I am getting closer every day. It seams that I feel I am doing well, and then a situation comes up that makes me say "oh wow, didn't see that one coming! I thought I was more separated than this" But then, it gives me something new to work on. It's all about the journey right? I never wanted to be a conjoined twin but somehow, without realizing, the tissues just started to fuse. While I’m not totally through the surgery to separate, I am getting closer every day. It seams that I feel I am doing well, and then a situation comes up that makes me say “oh wow, didn’t see that one coming! I thought I was more separated than this” But then, it gives me something new to work on. It’s all about the journey right?

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