Comments on: The Pitfalls Of We Speak

By: Is Your Marriage Too Close? | I Love Being Happily Married

Is Your Marriage Too Close? | I Love Being Happily Married — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:20:05 +0000

[...] problems many couples face in marriage is they create a marriage that’s too close. They strive to capture the illusion of what they thought it would be like in the beginning by getting closer to each [...]

By: Simple Marriage | Marital Gridlock And Growing Up

Simple Marriage | Marital Gridlock And Growing Up — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 13:49:30 +0000

[...] you buy into this belief, then you have to add to it the fusion fantasy we all bring into marriage. The belief that we will be one with our partner and live a tightly [...]

By: What are Your Holiday Expectations? — Simple Marriage

What are Your Holiday Expectations? — Simple Marriage — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:35:52 +0000

[...] the time of year when relationships seem to be under a microscope. “We-ness” expectations run rampant. “We” should want, feel, think, the same, or at least very similar, [...]

By: bostoncounseling

bostoncounseling — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:01:15 +0000

I agree, the “fusion fantasy” can be really strong with some couples. And as you've shown, it is reinforced by both culture and religion! A hard place for therapists to start when working with couples with this mindset. I've found that I need to build a lot of trust with clients before suggesting that some of the ideas they're keeping about “two become one” are not realistic, and are even harming the relationship.

By: Corey

Corey — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:43:07 +0000

Great quote – thanks.

By: Ian|QuantumLearning

Ian|QuantumLearning — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:04:47 +0000

Having been in one of those ‘we’ marriages (many years ago) I learned this the hard way. Great article.

I like how Kahlil Gibran puts it:

“And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

By: Dustin | Engaged Marriage

Dustin | Engaged Marriage — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:20:03 +0000

Hmmm…great food for thought here, Corey. I agree with you in the strict terms that we remain individuals after we get married. After all, we have our own unique thoughts, needs and feelings.

However, I personally feel like we should be striving toward “oneness” where our most influential and vital relationship is our marriage. I draw a lot of strength, motivation and life from my wife and my marriage. If I lost her, I would truly lose part of myself.

Sure, we are not totally together and certainly not conjoined physically. But we ARE joined spiritually and emotionally, and we strive everyday to be MORE together, not less.

By: carolina

carolina — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:00:39 +0000

well said!

By: Laurie

Laurie — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:42:54 +0000

I never wanted to be a conjoined twin but somehow, without realizing, the tissues just started to fuse. While I’m not totally through the surgery to separate, I am getting closer every day. It seams that I feel I am doing well, and then a situation comes up that makes me say “oh wow, didn’t see that one coming! I thought I was more separated than this” But then, it gives me something new to work on. It’s all about the journey right?