If you are reading this and have never commented on Simple Marriage, this post is for you.
Over the past several months, the number of daily visitors and subscribers to Simple Marriage have steadily grown. And while I’m extremely grateful for loyal readers, I’m singling out those of you who’ve yet to introduce yourself formally by way of leaving a comment.
Whenever anyone comments on a post, it not only adds to the discussion, it enhances the Simple Marriage community.
The thing I love most about Simple Marriage is the chance to meet other people out there working to get more out of life and marriage. I love hearing about your successes, and even your struggles – and I know others do too.
If you choose to add a comment below, don’t think of it as a favor to me but as a favor to everyone else. See, as much as I enjoy reading comments, I can assure you many comments are added just because other comments preceded them. There are many ongoing discussions and you could add a great deal to the conversation.
So if you choose to de-lurk, here’s what to do:
- If you are reading this in a feed reader, an email message, or some other way other than on Simple Marriage, click here to visit the actual post.
- Scroll to the bottom and follow the instructions to add a comment.
- Type in your actual name so myself and others can know who you are.
- Type in your website, blog, corporate site, or even your Facebook page, so that we can stop by for a virtual visit (this step creates a web link with your name). I make it a point to visit every person who comments on Simple Marriage. Please no inappropriate or pornographic sites as they will be deleted.
- Type in whatever text you want. Share how long you’ve been reading, where you live, how long you’ve been married, what you enjoy about Simple Marriage, whatever. Pretend you’ve spotted me at a coffee shop and you’re introducing yourself.
- If you want to follow the subsequent comments on this post, check the appropriate box. This feature allows you to follow the discussion in your email inbox – a great way to stay more involved.
Don’t be shy. Care to de-lurk now?
I’m not married yet (May!) but I have been before, and knowing how easy it is to mess up a good relationship (and then make it worse by not figuring out how to fix it), I’m making sure it doesn’t happen again.
I’m also a bridal blogger (yes, there’s even a term for women who blog about their wedding planning) who writes more about relationships than about color schemes, and I’ll soon be pointing my readers in this direction. After all, a wedding is just the beginning – you have a whole life to live after that one day is over.
I’ve been subscribing for a while. I was happily married but have now been widowed for nine years. I value and cherish marriage so I am always looking for tips on how to create a strong healthy marriage, hopefully some day in the future I will need them!
I’ve been a subscriber for awhile and love every post!
I have to admit that I’m guilty of not subscribing to future comments, but will from now on!
I followed a link from Simple Mom and have been a subscriber for a few weeks now.
I have been subscribed for a while now and enjoy every post. I am working through some very heavy duty sexual abuse stuff from my childhood and I hope and pray that our marriage will survive and be stronger for it!
I came over from simple mom and subscribed via a google reader feeder. I haven’t been reading it very long, but I love this site, it’s really helpful.
I’ve been married a little over 8 years.
Subbed for a while via RSS, never commented (mostly because of this). Hubby actually got me into this one (married for 15 years come July), and he won the recent giveaway you just had (with the 2 books, 2 journals & T-shirts – thanks a bunch!!). Great site & lots of sound advice – Thanks!
Hahaha!! De-lurk-a-thon! I love it. Maybe I should do the same on my blog.
) My pastor-husband and I have been married for nearly 13 years. We have 5 children ages 10 to 3. I am a home-schooling stay at home mom. I love Simple Marriage for the encouragement it gives to my husband and I. Thanks!! Keep up the good work!!
Funny. I just wrote a blog about this site one week ago (linked). My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years, we were a couple a little over 3 years prior, and we’ve known each other for almost 15 years.
I came over from Zen Habits around August, I’ve been subscribed to your blog ever since.
Okay. Apparently the link was too long. Here it is.
http://simplycomplextotallyinsane.com/2009/02/10/stone-cold-confession-1/
Yahoo! A delurke day
Thanks for the safe prompting since I normally choose to remain invisible on most blogs I read. I am family-ing with the love of my life…maybe that is one step away from marriage. I have a strong desire to work toward that degree of commitment but am experiencing waves of inner resistance. I want to learn how to be for the other and not so much for myself. Nice work.
Just celebrated our one year anniversary yesterday:) Thanks for your site!
@Stones- Thanks for the compliment of linking to Simple Marriage with a post on your blog. Glad you’re here.
@everyone- A great big welcome and hello to all you lurkers entering from the shadows. It’s great to see, and meet you!
I followed a link here from Simple Mom, so have been following you for about a month. My husband and I have been married for going on 8 years, and we have two young children together. We’re a military family and we live overseas right now, so that definitely adds its own set of challenges to our relationship. And although we both agree that our marriage is pretty strong in many regards, we know we have room to improve ourselves within the context of it. I enjoy reading about new ways to communicate, and overall enjoy your site.
Hmmmm…I don’t know how long I’ve been subscribing via RSS feed. Superman and I have been married 20 years this year and are still laughing about your post about the Toddler Laws in Marriage. When I read it, I forwarded it to Superman saying, “I’m a toddler?”…tongue in cheek, he answered all of the questions as if he were me and answered them all “YES”! (No, I’m not a toddler, but it was fun to play with!) I love the food for thought you provide us…20 years doesn’t mean we can’t always be working to improve or keep things good. Thanks!
I wandered over from Simple Mom, too, and I’ve enjoyed this blog so much! My husband and I have been married 21 months. 364 days after our wedding, our daughter was born. So I am learning to be a wife and a mother at the same time. It’s a real challenge! I really appreciate all the support this site provides.
I found you through Simple Mom, and have been a subscriber for a month or so. We are a Marine family, hubby is currently deployed to the Middle East for all 2009. Our first anniversary is next Monday. I have enjoyed your posts, and occasionally forward them on to him to read. I like reading because it is thought provoking and encourages me to think of our relationship and ways to improve our communication besides picking up the phone when it rings!
Okay, I’ll de-lurk. I came over to Simple Marriage by way of Zen Habits. I’d been reading some marriage-help books and didn’t like what they had to say (a lot of them were focused on how to be a “better wife”, not on what both of us could do). I’ve been reading and trying to change myself to better our relationship. I love reading Simple Marriage because you give very realistic advice that I can actually use. And it has been helping, a little at a time.
Thanks!
I’ve been reading for a little while and have found your posts very helpful. Thanks
Ok, I’m de-lurking..
Been following your site for a while in GReader. Very nice posts, good for someone who’s going to be married in June.
I came over via Simple Mom even though I’m not a mom—I know Tsh though, and I just got engaged on Saturday! Your advice has been helpful as I look ahead to marriage
I also came over from Simple Mom. We’ve been married for over 7 years now, and I love reading your perspective on things here. It’s not only a great reminder of what we learned in our premarital counseling (and we all need continuous reminders), but there are also many reminders of how we should be treating everyone–not just our spouses.
I’ve been subscribing to your site since reading about you on Simple Mom. I figure every marriage has room to improve, and the articles and ideas on here are awesome. Thanks for all the work and effort that goes into keeping this site up!
I too found you through simple mom. I’ve been feeding your blog for a few weeks now and wish it was longer! I have been happily married for 7.5 years and we have three children ages 5 month to 5 years. Just since the last kiddo have I been feeling that we could use encouragement in our marriage and love what you have to say.
I am a new blogger and do not remember how I found your blog. I was interested in it because I thought it was refreshing to see the effort put forth to uphold and encourage that which is good. I followed your blog because you can never get too much positive advice for a maintaining good marriage.
I’ve been a subscriber since shortly before I got married in November 2008. I’ve found Simple Marriage very useful so far.
Delurking day is a great idea! I think I came over here from Zen Habits; I’m an Aussie girl married to a German guy – for 2.5 years – and I often get timely tips from this blog on dealing with intercultural challenges! Thanks
Saw simplemarriage.com on “My Yahoo” one day. Read the blurb. Followed the link. Got excited. Shared the link with everyone I knew. My husband and I read the articles regularly together and then talk about it. The concepts fit in with our beliefs and our notion that God comes first in our marriage. Keep up the good work.
This is not my first comment, but I am relatively new to this website. My wife and I have I have been married a couple of years and we are expecting our first child in less than a month. We do our best to keep it fun and enjoyable but inevitably, some disagreements happen. I’m not sure how I came across this blog but now I subscribe so I’m not going anywhere anytime soon! =)
Hi,I`m from China. I can`t remember how I found your website. But I`m so
happy to come here for inspiration. I like the idea of a marriage being simple.
Most importantly, I enjoy how you write. It`s beautiful and so natural. Thank you
for this great place. I am loving it.
I came over from zen habits. Married 11.5 yrs. Together 14. 2 kids (ages 3 and 6). We live in a rural community and commute for jobs in the city (wanted the kids in small schools, wanted 10 acres or so of land and couldn’t give up our income levels). We are in a great place with our marriage and that comes from having been in less great places over the last 10 yrs. I firmly believe we all grow in marriage and we’ve been growing together more than apart for a while now.
I can’t say I love every post, but I subscribe and read regularly.
My name is Pennie. I’m 25, and the mother of two little girls. Micaela is 5 (in kindergarten), and Kayman is 3. I live in central Minnesota. I got married on June 28th (the day before my birthday, actually), but have been with my husband for 3 years. He is not the biological father of my 2 daughters, but he IS their daddy. They don’t know their biological fathers; Andy is the only one they know and love. There is no baby daddy drama there
I’ve been blessed the past few years by my husband. However, we have a lot of problems communicating with each other. I have a bad attitude, and he conveniently *forgets* to get involved in saving our marriage. Or that’s just the way I look at it because I have a bad attitude. I really like your blog because it gives me a better way of dealing with some of the issues that pop up in our marriage.
You’re welcome to look me up on facebook with my email and add me as a friend if you want to. You can also go to my blog, but I’ll have to check the privacy settings to make sure you’ll be able to see it. If you do, please leave a comment so that I know you got through.
Thank you for writing this blog. It’s wonderful!
I LOVE the idea of a de-lurk-athon!
I’ve been a reader for quite a while – originally found you through a post you did on Zen Habits – and do comment from time to time (not on any regular basis though). While I’m currently single, I find the conversations that you start/invite are really helpful in preparing for relationship.
I also facilitate non-denominational weddings, and I’ve pointed a few couples to your blog to remind them that the ceremony’s about celebrating and setting an intention more than it is about flowers, catering and the (darn) dress.
Thanks for doing what you do Corey.
Hi,
I found your website through Simple Mom about a month ago. I live in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of WNC where my hubby and I moved three years ago in order to live a simpler, more authentic life closer to extended family. We’ve been together 15 years, married 10, and have two beautiful little girls, ages 2 (on Friday) and 4 3/4. We are each other’s best friend and best sweetie and our marriage is solid as can be. However, I do like reading your tips and suggestions as a reminder during times of change for our family (my husband is in graduate school at age 42, our lives have changed tremendously while we are trying to align more with our values).
Thanks for your site.
Wesley
Hi! I’ve been reading (and enjoying) Simple Marriage for a while now, but I’ve never commented, probably because I receive posts via e-mail.
I find the articles interesting, and I like that they bring up questions that I hadn’t thought about before. It’s also nice to receive something in my in-box that helps me focus on our marriage- with two little guys running around, it’s all too tempting to put our relationship on the back burner.
Simple Marriage reminds me that my relationship with my husband needs to come first; after all,our relationship is important for the kids, and we’ll be together long after they’ve left home.
Like many others here, I found your blog via Simple Mom. I subscribe to you through Google Reader, and I thoroughly enjoy each post.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years, although we’ve known each other since fourth grade. Lifelong sweethearts, we always say.
Thanks again for what you do. Keep up the great work!
I’ve been a subscriber via RSS for a couple of weeks. I really can’t remember how I found you, but I’m glad I did. I’ve been married to my best friend for 3-1/2 years and we have an 18-month old daughter. I’m always looking for tips for a good marriage. I love marriage, but there is always room for improvement!
Hey there! I have been following Simplemarriage from across the pond (Italy, where I live). I have been happily married for 16 years tomorrow and we have 4 children. Although my husband is my soulmate, I find marriage extremely, extremely difficult… It is not intuitive for me as it might be for other people and I think we DO have a very good marriage because my husband is extremely wise and has really helped me a lot (we are from two different countries, so that also added a bit of excitement to the marriage mix). I appreciate Simplemarriage because it is my ‘cheat sheet’. I feel like I am more aware of what I am going through, what I think or feel and that helps our marriage because my husband doesn’t have to drag things out of me : ) I even volunteer information now : ) Anyway, I really enjoy the site and have been reading up on the posts I missed before receiving the feeds by e-mail. Thank you for writing!
ive just started reading this column and have started telling my husband about what i read here and we discuss it, we have been married for going on ten years and they have been far from easy but we love each other more today than we did the day we married and we fight boy do we fight and yes sometimes its over the same stuff we been fighting over since he realized im a blanket hog, i realized he shouldnt do the laundry. but i try to use some of the advice given in this column, and sometimes i think it works
I started reading sometime before getting married last November because I felt there were a lot of things I needed to sort out in order to make a really fulfilling partnership that was worth it for both my wife and I. Basically I wanted to be able to figure out a meaningful definition of marriage, and growing-up machine is about the best I’ve come across.
It really helped shape my conception of our relationship and has helped me man-up on a whole lot of things that I usually don’t realize or let slip to the side. Still not all the way there, but life is about growing.
It’s been 3 months and I’m trying! Thanks for all the help.
I found your blog through Zen Habits (I also am a fan of Unclutterer and GOOP). I have been married for 6 yrs, with no kids. I work full time, have a second [p/t] job (see website) and manage our home. He works full time in a ‘lifestyle’ job (sales) and manages our investment properties. Which gives little ‘us’ time and working to get more is very one sided (me). I guess I am looking for creative ways to move ‘us’ up on his list of priorities, at start a dialoge that doesn’t end with his response of ‘I can’t talk about this now I have too much going on.’
Love your site. I have been married for 14 years come this April. We have had our ups and downs and found this site thru simple mom. I have 3 kids 11,8,2. I currently stay home and try to clean the house and do laundry, take care of the kids, improve myself, take care of bills, provide daily meals because my hubby works hard so I am home.
I found your site from Zen Habits. I have been married almost 26 year. We barely made it to 25, but I can tell you now that God is faithful when you really humble yourself before Him and seek His will. I enjoy the encouragement from Simple Marriage and am grateful daily for the husband I stuck with, instead of giving up when things were difficult.
I can’t remember where I first linked to your blog from, but I will tell you this: I often link to blogs that others refer to, but this is only the second non-friend blog that I consistently read. Such good and sound advice! I come from a background where marriage and family is paramount. So it’s important to me to work on making my marriage last; not only that, but I want my marriage to be joyful. It takes a lot of work, and I know that it will never be easy (been married for 10 months now). So I’m glad to have some help from people with more experience than me!
Welcome Lurkers!!
It’s so good to get to “know” you!
Corey’s is so right about the importance of your contributions. A core concept of Simple Marriage (and one of the reasons I’m excited to be working with Corey) is that Human potential is shaped by human interaction.
Our brains are “wired” to other brains and we are continuously co-constructing every relationship we are in. Every interaction stimulates our brains to think about what we believe – and changing your thoughts actually changes your brain structure!
So take your brain for a jog today – Now that you have “de-lurked,” pick a topic from an article that you thought about alot – and write down some of your thoughts in the comments. You brain will be enchance for writing your thought – reader’s brains will be stimulated by reading your thoughts – and Corey and I will be encouraged and/or challenged to write more about what will make a difference – in all of our marriages.
Here’s to better brains and Simple Marriages!
I just fancy reading the blogs and learning from them, and yes I do pass this one along! My hubby and I have just celebrated our 8th anni this last Dec. and will be together 10 yrs this last May. We have both been divorced in the past and AGAIN in this marriage we hit a road block that didn’t seem “passable”. So I started reading and was linked here, from some other blog, and have been sending hubby copies of what I read. I’m happy to say we are WORKING hard to make this work!
Also I have been passing it on to friends who are in marital trouble, some to the point they have separated. I’m getting great thank you’s from them for introducing this website to them.. hopefully they too will “de-lurk”.
I’m new to this site and came through a link on Yahoo. I’m a divorced mom who is in serious discussions with a wonderful man on possibly tying the knot again.
Knowing what I know from the first time…it’s takes much work and sites such as this one can definitely help in that area.
I’ve commented before, but I figured I’d introduce myself anyway.
I’m a single guy, senior student of Information Technology at RIT, Christian, et cetera, so on and so forth.
I enjoy reading this blog because even though I’m not married, I know that someday I’m going to be. My philosophy is that you wouldn’t run a marathon without any physical training, so why would you enter into one of the most important covenants of your life with no idea what you’re doing?
Check me out at http://leemckusick.com, follow me on Twitter, Facebook, etc, I’m all over the place! =)
I subscribed to this blog when you became a columnist over at SimpleMom. I rarely read/leave comments on blogs because I use Google reader (with over 100 blogs on there I couldn’t start adding comment feeds too!) but I have to say it hugely depends on the blog.
I have been living with my husband for 13 years but only married him 4 1/2 years ago. Why did it take so long? Well, we both had no objection to getting married but neither of us wanted the whole “big wedding” that we felt was expected!
We get on really well and have only argued once in the whole time we have been together, but there is always room for improvement in marriage and that is why I like this blog.
I was referred here from a post on Simple Mom. I have been blessed with your articles and am a little ashamed that I didn’t say so before.
I will have been married 4 years in April and am finding that it’s easier to prevent problems in the marriage from the get go than to try and fix them later.
I’m no longer a lurker. Yay!
i found you on my yahoo. it was the story of how you began. i was very touched. i am also one of those people who aren’t married yet. my boyfriend and i have tiptoed around where and when we want to be married. he recently moved in (4 months ago) and the wedding date is quickly approaching. i recently stumbled across one of his dirty little secrets, you know the kind men hide from women. i felt betrayed. i started to rethink our relationship, and my commitment to him. after several painful conversations, we decided to recommit ourselves to each other. your site has helped. secrets, secrets, secrets, i would love to see an article on how secrets hurt. i know not all secrets are bad. this secret left me feeling inadequate, and almost destroyed us.
I subscribed to the site a few months ago through RSS. As for me, I’m on my second marriage, and will be celebrating five years of awesome matrimony in July. From my experience, the key to a happy marriage is to married someone you are truly in love with. I didn’t do that the first time around, but my second time has been a charm.
Once you do find that special someone, remember my Cardinal Rules to a Happy Marriage: 1. Never fight just to prove you are right. 2. Never stop having fun together.
Hi,
I’ve probably been following the blog for the past 6 months or so. I live in Raleigh, NC with my husband, we have been married for about 9 months and are working through marriage and learning a lot about each other.
I found your site via Zen Habits and now I have you in my Google Reader so that I don’t miss anything
My parents just got a divorce after 28 years of marriage and totally altered my thoughts on marriage. I am now working to learn all I can to be able to make my marriage a forever marriage.
@de-lurkers thus far: You rock! Thanks for speaking up and introducing yourself. And thanks for all the kind words about what you like about Simple Marriage.
I followed a link here from Zen Habits about a month ago and have been a subscriber ever since. The post that got me hooked was about communication and how we actually DO communicate all the time, we just don’t want to here it! It was very helpful and a new way of looking at communication that was truthful. I love this site because most of us are not taught that a happy and healthy marriage requires work. My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and have known each other for 12 years.
I found this site via “My Yahoo”. I’ve been married for nearly 11 years, but I’m afraid it is about over. While my wife seems to have given up any interest in saving it, I find that this site gives me a little hope. Thanks for all the tips and advice.
I followed this site via Simple Mom. I have been married for 8 1/2 years and we have 20 month old twin girls. Life has changed a little in our house over the past 20 months, with 2 new little people, it has made life a little more challenging, but they are such a blessing too. I love to read about how to grow in a marriage, with 2 kids now, we don’t have a lot of time for us anymore. We need to get better at making us time and remember we are not just parents, but we are a husband and wife too.
You can check out my blog at:
http://mkgrubergirls.blogspot.com/
It is more of a blog for my girls.
Thanks for the great information on Simple Marriage…I really enjoy reading it.
Melissa
I get your posts via e-mail. I think I found you via Zen Habits via StumbleUpon. I didn’t realize there was an actual site…I may have to participate!
I am getting married in March. First marriage for him, second for me. I want to be very proactive in guarding this one.
I’ve been reading Simple Marriage for just about a year, I think, through Google Reader. I don’t remember how I found it, but I’m glad I did. This site has been a great resource for me. I’ve been with my DH for 10 years, married for 5, and we’ve had our share of problems, especially regarding communication. I’ve learned a lot here, and expect to learn more! Thanks for such a great site!
My husband found this site for me a few months before we were married, and I enjoy reading the posts. Thank you for creating such a wonderful website!
What a great idea! I may have to steal it to de-lurk some people on my blog!
I have been subscribed for about a month now after hearing about you from Simple Mom. I really appreciate your posts, especially gaining a male perspective on relationships.
My husband and I have been married 10 years and have three children. We are currently working together from home trying to maintain a business and launch a website. It is a daily struggle to balance it all, let alone maintain a solid, healthy relationship.
We really value your insight and enjoy reading your posts. Thank you for being such a great resource!
Jenni
Hi everyone!
I found the site through Zen Habits and I’m glad I did. I’m not married, not even in a relationship currently, but as I certainly hope to be (and happily!) I find this a great resource and an inspiration. So thanks for the site and all the great posts!
Lurker-no-more from Finland
I discovered your page from Simple Mom and now enjoy it with my goodle reader and share many of your articles on my facebook page. My husband and I have been married almost 14 years and we have 4 children. I love being married and I know that it will take a lifetime to learn how to put him before myself and get it all figured out – thankful for God’s help and lots of prayer. I can’t imagine how we would do it without prayer and lots of learning.
Happy Delurking Day +1
I am not married but was. She left emotionally then physically relocated to the guest room. I stumbled across and tried many “solutions”. She was no longer interested in being married to me.
I have been reading for a few months. Seeing many of the “solutions” I had tried is helping me understand that it wasn’t all my fault.
Busted! I found a link to your site on Simple Mom not too long ago. Since I read through Google Reader, I don’t often comment, but, for you, I will.
My husband & I have been together for almost 16 years, married for a little over 10. Things haven’t been good for a long while, but I’ve recently been convicted to DO SOMETHING about it instead of just complaining. Watching “Fireproof” helped, as did starting to read “The Power of a Praying Wife” and reading the advice on here. My husband and I are both children of divorce; I don’t want to put our kids through that.
I love how you stress that marriage is for developing better people. Marriage is a way to grow up. Good stuff!
Hi Corey! I’ll bite and de-lurk.
I can’t remember how I found your site, only that I subscribed in bloglines with the first post I read. I have been married 7.5 years, and the last year was very tough. Your posts have been really great reminders about how much responsibility *I* have to make the marriage work, not to just sit back quietly and wish my man would notice me.
I really like the format of your blogs – they are easy to read, often have a nice little bullet/list format I can skim through, and the pictures are always very nice. I always click on the Simple Marriage posts first in my reader when I see a new one. Hope you have a good day!
I found you guys about a month ago, very appropriately, the week my husband and I started marital therapy. We’ve been married almost four years, have a 16 month old, and come from very different backgrounds socially. This site has augmented several discussions we’ve had in therapy, and started a few others. Thank you for your help!
Simple Marriage is a terrific! I’m single, and it’s great for “peoplle building” anyone. The advice helps all my relationships. My sister referred me to your site about 6 months ago. Thank you for your efforts!
I have been married for a little over 9 years. We have 2 boys (ages 5 and 2) and a little girl on the way. We’ve had some hard times in our relationship in the last 5 years. They have resurfaced in the last few months. With divorce looking us in the face, I have been looking for some ideas to help strengthen our marriage. I’ve only been reading Simple Marriage for about 3 weeks. There have been some good ideas. Thanks!
Wow! I’m impressed that you all have come out of the dark! I am not a lurker. I have been reading Corey’s blog since he began posting. I’ve learned so much from that guy! I am enjoying the posts that Mary Ann is contributing to the blog.
Keep on commenting lurkers! Make this the first of many!
I also jumped in here from Simple Mom…and I think I may have commented once but not introduced myself
I love to read about marriage from a conservative perspective-it’s so rare these days!
Love what you’re doing here!
@To the remaining lurkers- I know there are still a few more of you who’ve yet to come out of the shadows. Come on and join us. Perhaps we can reach over 100 comments! How cool would that be?!
Hi All!
Yes, I too, am guilty of lurking….but I’m shy! Oh well, here goes nothing…
I’ve been married to a great man for 11 years. I was 29 and he was 36 when we wed. Of course, like normal couples, we have some issues. Ultimately, though, it seems that our key to success has been finding hobbies together (mostly me joining his)which give us topics of conversation other than work and our daughter! If anyone would have told me ten years ago that I’d love motorcycles, fishing, hunting, etc. I wouldn’t have believed it! The great thing is that being open to learning about and seeing what he appreciates in these activities has made me grow to love them myself….and ultimately become a newer, more diverse version of my former self.
Ok, enough of that. I have one philosophy that I live by for all relationships, including the one with my husband….It is this: People don’t like you or love you because of how you make them feel about you…..they love you because of how you make them feel about themselves!
came from Simple Mom, been visiting for about a month now
Been married over 10 years and have four kids ages 5 and under. Marriage advice is always a good thing.
mostly a lurker, but I will try to comment occasionally
I am mostly a lurker. I was disappointed for a while, that all your posts were about parenting, and well, I’m not a parent. But now you’re writing more about marriage, i’m definitely enjoying your posts. especially stuff like fighting fair.
Hi! I’ve been reading The Simple Marriage Project for a few months now. I don’t remember where I found it, but I think it was probably linked from somewhere like lifehacker or some other blog.
I am 19 and trying to figure out marriage stuff. Perhaps because my parents’ relationship isn’t so great, it has been a big passion in my life to work on my relationship with my potential-future-husband (the question should be asked any day now…) and I really want to be a great mom. It’s so strange because I’ve always thought I needed to accomplish things to feel successful… and I’ve been realizing that it’s in relationships that I’ve been feeling most fulfilled.
Anyway, I really love this blog and am so thankful for it. Oh, and he reads it too sometimes!
I have been reading and enjoying the posts for a while. I think I came here from zen habits. I have been married nearly 32 years and have 3 children still at home (2 adult and a 15 year old), and it is generally happy although we are probably not as close as we could be. I think this is largely because I am a major conflict avoider and generally too timid. I work part-time in my husband’s business and am feeling the desire to have more of my own life, without destroying the good things about my marriage now.
I don’t recall how I stumbled across the Simple Marriage blog but I love it. I even forward some of the posts to friends, as well as my husband. My husband and I have both been married previously so communication was a huge deal to us. We really work at communicating effectively in our marriage as well as respecting, supporting, appreciating and inspiring each other. We’re stationed overseas in Japan for the next few years and are expecting our first child in April of this year. We have been married for a little over a year and are still passionately in love with each other. With my husband being active duty in the Navy, communication is a big thing for us especially when he is deployed. Our motto is, it never hurts to be informed and we always work towards making sure our marriage is happy, we’re happy and soon our baby is happy. Thank you for all of the great posts!
Although I am not married, I am in a committed relationship and I find that these posts are helpful to me in trying to better relate to my boyfriend. I know that the premise of the site is that marriage brings a whole new set of values and constraints to a relationship; however, I think that couples can have a relationship that provides the same set of togetherness and intimacy without being married. Of course, I’ve never been married so my opinion probably doesn’t have a lot of weight.
Nonetheless, your posts are relevant and applicable to my situation and I greatly appreciate the “objective” perspective.
I only just recently came across this blog and have since found it really useful, despite the fact that I’m not married. I am in a serious relationship, though, and find that your reflections on and advice about married relationships frequently (if not always) work just as well outside of marriage.
I have been subscribing to this blog for a while. I love reading it even though I’m not married yet (I’m engaged).
Good stuff.
Thanks for inviting all of us to join the conversation. I also found this blog thru simple mom and have been really enjoying it. I haven’t shared it with my husband yet, but I know I should.
We’ve been married 4 1/2 years and have two kids (3 and 10 months). Our marriage hit a very rough spot about a year and a half ago, and we have been slowly rebuilding since then. I never dreamed that I would be in a marriage that could potentially fall apart, and I’ve had to to let go of some of my idealistic beliefs about marriage in order to recognize the goodness that is in what we have (as well as the weaknesses). It has been painful and difficult, but I finally have hope that we can do this and feel we are in a pretty good spot right now.
Perhaps the most helpful thing about this blog and the comments is seeing that our marriage is not doomed to failure, that we are not alone in our struggles, that there is much we can do to make our marriage strong and true.
@Lisa- Isn’t it great knowing that your marriage isn’t the only one that has experienced struggles and hard times? I love knowing my wife and I are not alone in the things we experience, and neither are you and your husband. Thanks for speaking up.
I read this blog for HOPE… that the simple marriage I dream to have some day exists out there now, with real, happy people
Thanks… and back to lurking!
hi. i stop by every few days.
Hello, I really enjoy reading your posts and learning and growing….
I’m not exactly sure how I came across this blog, but I guess I liked it so much I bookmarked it and now come back every few days to see what’s new. I love the simple (haha), down-to-earth, common sense advice and thoughts that one can find here.
I love your blog! Keep it comin’! But I must go now; the baby’s crying. 
I have been married to my husband for 16 months now (together 2 1/2 years total) so I guess you could say we are kind of coming out of the ‘newlywed’ stage. The birth of our son, 8 weeks ago, has also ‘helped’ with that and now it feels like we are really getting down to the nitty-gritty ‘work’ that makes a marriage work. Like having to make time together, instead of just expecting it to happen. We love each other very much but are finding that we need to prioritize and take care of that love.
Sorry, didn’t mean to write a novel.
I’ve been married since October, and I’ve been reading since we got engaged (so for about two years). I found you through Zen Habits. Hubby and I are still in our honeymoon phase, I’m sure, and almost everything is great. We’re planning on trying for our first baby this summer so I enjoy reading the sex tips and the balancing marriage with kids tips. Fore-warned is fore-armed:)!
I hope you get to a 100 de-lurkers!
hi, Im from simple mom. I love your writing Cory. You take complicated subjects( ex.fighting,money,sex,family) and make it very simple for me to wrap my mind around it! I asked my husband to read your blog every week!He likes it also. We have had some great conversations about the topics written in the posts. We have been married for 17 years. We are on a up swing at the moment.:)We are enjoying it. So totally TRUE a good marriage grows you up!!!
Thanks Beth
I’ve been receiving your emails and following you on Twitter for several months – you provide honest, common-sense suggestions that have really helped. I admit that I pass along some of your thoughts (with reference, of course!) to my stepfamily clients. Thanks for the help!
Technically, I’m not a “lurker” because I’ve commented before…okay, once.
LOL! I was all set to comment here a while back and got distracted…now there are 92 comments! Way to go!
Anyway, my husband Miguel and I have just celebrated 13 years of marriage and have four kids 8, 5, 4, and 1 1/2. Miguel is from Venezuela, I am from the U.S. but grew up in Colombia as a missionary kid. Yeah, one of those. Anyway, we are members of a mission organization and have spent serving in Venezuela and Mexico. Our backgrounds have been both an advantage and a disadvantage in our marriage…we’re still learning as we go! Marriage is just plain tough, takes a lot of work and I have appreciated your blog and your willingness to be honest and open…lots of great tips and ideas!
Wow, I was thinking at first I’d have to post ten or twenty comments to help out. Looks like you’re not going to have any trouble getting to 100.
I’m a fairly recent reader, but I really like your site and the concept. Marriage needs all the support it can get these days, as it’s being assaulted from all sides it seems.
My blog is at http://being-michaels-daddy.blogspot.com and it’s basically about being daddy to a very unexpected child after getting married for the second time and already in the process of dealing with teenage daughters. It covers the gamut of family topics, ranging from pre-school kid blather to teenage angst and marriage issues.
Keep the great content coming!
I’ve commented before, too, but just wanted to drop by and say thanks for doing this. You’ve got a great blog with tons of helpful information!
New to the whole blogging thing, but since you asked, I’m de-lurking. My wife and I have been living together for nearly seven years married for 5. We have a 3 year old daughter together and her son was six when we met (now 13). It sure isn’t easy and lately our marriage and relationship has taken a backseat to everything else going on. The foundation of our marriage is solid and we have both taken that for granted. Just looking for any morsel of wisdom I can use to help clear out the clutter of mundane everyday things that have clouded our feelings and obscured the important things.
I’ve commented once or twice before, but I’m getting married in 2010. Your advice is always insightful and often entertaining. I like how you help work at de-mystifying marriage. Keep up the great work!
I absolutely LOVE this blog and it’s approach to marriage. I read every article even if I don’t comment!
What can I say but a huge THANK YOU for all the support and comments about what Simple Marriage provides for you and your relationships. I’m humbled by the responses.
Hi all! I am Amy M. I live in Jacksonville, FL. I have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids.
I have been reading this blog for a little over a year now. I enjoy your writing style and how you break down each topic. I continue to read this blog because marriage is a priority for me and I think all great relationships require 2 willing partners and a lot of nuturing.
By the way, my blog is terribly outdated and in need of a major facelift, BUT you are welcome to visit it or my facebook page by searching via my email address. I found your blog through SimpleMom.
Thanks!
Hi! I’m a 24 year old boy from the Netherlands and I’m subscribed to your feed for about half a year. Simple marriage gives me tips for having a better relationship with my girlfriend. We are not married (and not having plans to getting either), but almost every tip and story is applicable for me.
I’m not a native English speaker so I don’t comment a lot on English written weblogs. But I like the idea of de-lurking!
Keep up the good work!
Stephan
So much is said about supporting families. I feel when the marriage is supported by blogs such as this one… the family will take care of itself.
Thanks
Kathy
Hi everyone! A big thank you for all the effort you are putting into this blog. It’s a real blessing for me (and so many others as I see).
I’ve been married for just 5 months but I’m following your posts ever since I discovered you through Zen Habits.
Keep up the good work and thanks for the opportunity to de-lurk
Anca
It looks like you motivated a lot of us to come forward and I will join the pack. I linked through Zen Habits and have enjoyed your postings immensely. I was married for 18 years and it ended badly about 3 years ago. We both made a lot of mistakes and I wish I would have the insights I do now. I’m not sure if it could have been saved, but it would have been nice if I had your musings and guidance back then. I’m in a great relationship now, with a wonderful man. I want to learn from my mistakes and continue to make our relationship the best it can be which is why I’m a frequent visitor.
Thanks and thanks for calling us out.
Barb
I found this site through my “MyYahoo” page a few weeks back and have been enjoying it. I am a newlywed, only been married a few months. Our dating was easy and fun, so moving in together after engagement was a shock because all of a sudden there were conflicts all over the place: multiple things to decide and deal with, not to mention wedding planning!
I find your positive, supportive message really comforting and helpful during this major life transition. We are continuing with the same counseling (then premarital counseling) we got before the wedding, and that is helping us work through some of the major issues we’ve encountered bit by bit.
I would highly recommend that newlyweds and engaged women read “What No One Tells the Bride”, an excellent book because it helps you feel ok if your marriage or wedding isn’t perfect or disapointing at times. I agree with the author in that there is a “conspiracy of silence” when it comes to being blissfully happy the first year of marriage, when in reality, it can be the hardest, most challenging time ever, especially for those who’ve lived on their own for a long time (like me and my husband, who got married in our mid 30′s).
Thanks for the positive, motivating, pro marriage, pro happiness site!
I just started reading your blog and I love it so far! I’ve only been married a year and 2 months so I’m always interested in reading stuff about making marriage all it can be. Thanks for your great blog!
I only found this website last week. I’ve been married for 13 years. It gets better everyday.
Oops, forgot to de-lurk last week. I’m engaged (wedding next year), but I have been married before so I know how it can all go wrong if you don’t live/marry/love mindfully. The continuous encouragement from this site is very helpful, thank you.
I’m a bit late to the de-lurk-athon but am here nonetheless. I live in Wisconsin and have been married for almost 9 years. I love the site and have been a happy lurker for about 6 months.
Hi,
I have been lurking in a different way, I guess. My husband has been a subscriber for months now and he would come home and mention the articles to me. I have since subscribed. I have been married to my husband for 8 years this June and have been together for 11 years. We have two wonderful children, our oldest is 41/2 and our newest addition is only 3 months.
A couple of years ago our marriage was in a really tough spot, and we sought out counseling. We seem to be in a pretty good spot at the moment, especially now that we realize communication is key! It is so nice to know that our marriage is not the only one to experience difficulties. I am looking forward to reading many more articles.
My husband and I have been married for almost 6 six years. I subscribed this summer. We have fun discussing the post and how we can relate sometimes. Thank you for all of the wonderful advice!!
Ok… I know I am fashionably late to the “De-lurk-a-thon” – like by a week. I clicked on over from Simple Mom awhile ago and I am glad I did! Thanks.
I just subscribed to Simple Marriage via my yahoo a week or two ago. I am recently engaged (last august-but not planning on getting married until 2012 or so), and combatting the rigors of a long distance relationship with my fiance. I am in Germany, and have been either here or Afghanistan for the last two years. She lives in Texas. I am also a divorcee, and I joined up to learn how to not let my next marriage end up like my last one. Both my fiance and I are simple people, that is, we like things uncomplicated, so it just seemed fitting. I’ve been impressed, and recommended this site to her shortly after I found it. Thanks!
Im a divorcee, joined up via a web link somewhere in the hours spent online looking at self development sites and general interest.
Have three kids from previous marrage, very difficult ex, and new financee to fullfill my dreams with.
I like your honesty on subjects that I cannot get elsewhere, provoking thoughts on the simple things relationships should do to love someone, even after you have been in love… and the journey all around them.
Recommend to anyone I talk to online.
Keep up the good work
sorry… i cannot delurk. i appreciate what you offer here, but am unable to identify myself. thank you all the same.
I have just started reading ‘The Simple Marriage’ blog and have really enjoyed it. Mary Ann Crossno, one of the contributors, is my Mother-N-Law and that is how I heard about the blog. My husband and I have been married for 4.5 years. Thank you for all of your hard work in putting together such an informative blog.
I found this through the Zen Habits blog. I have been married 6 years and been in couples counseling off and on about 2-3 of those 6 years. Marriage is definitely work and we are trying our best and making progress. I love this blog. It has provided a lot of wonderful information that I pass along to my husband and sister as well. I am in my marriage for the long haul but do hope that at some point it won’t have to involve counseling.
I’ve been lurking for about a month and I am enjoying the articles and the insight that they give. I’ve been married for almost 3yrs. My husband and I are both in our early 30s. We came into our marriage saying that divorce is not an option and we want to make sure that we have better communication.
I believe Zen Habits led me to find this blog, and now regularly track it in Google Reader. I really enjoy many of the stories and simple advice about how to go about actually living your marriage.
As a secular person, I occasionally cringe at the odd religious bits, but I do recognize that many married couples have worked out ways of staying married precisely because of religious commitment. So while I don’t agree with religious views, I certainly want to enjoy any possible benefit that may spring from them.
Long-time lurker…married for 21 years. No children, but lots of wonderful adventures. Enjoy the blog for its simple wisdom.
Corey,
I found your website via Through the Illusion website several months ago. I’ve really enjoyed your articles and Mary Ann’s as well. I’ve been married to my best friend for over 34 years. Keep up the good work!
I’ve been reading this blog for the past eight months. At that time I had just started the relationship with the woman I am now engaged to. Even though I’m not married yet the advice and guidance this blog has given me have helped me discover how to grow myself into a better person for my beloved. Thank you for your help, I’ll be reading and learning.
hi, I dont’ remember how I found your blog; perhaps searching for inspiration on how to help me improve my marriage. Then, I suscribed through the RSS feed and I’ve been reading regularly your posts. I find your advice very interesting, but I haven’t been able to apply it yet. Perhaps it’s because I am trying to find myself and until that happens nothing will work. How do you improve communication when you don’t know what to say because you are so confused inside? Perhaps that is a problem that this blog cannot resolve.
Hi I stumbled across your blog because I am in need of advice in rebuilding my marriage. I have been married for 11 years to a woman whom I have known since I was a teenager. We have 2 wonderful kids (7 and 4). For the past yea, due to me being away for school, we have been continually “gorwing apart” and have not really spent much time on us. We hit bottom a few weeks ago when my wife told me she felt as if she didn’t “feel IN love” with me anymore. this was a wake up call and after talking it out, we are trying to rebuild. i feel as if it is more me who is willing (i am the Higher desire one) than she is. this weekend is labor day and I asked her if we can spend some time alone just us to go out on a date. She agreed and I AM PETRIFIED!!! We haven’t “talk” talked in about a year and I dont want to mess up. I have read the Growing Up article and want for both of us to be in that place where we dont need to validate each other. My wife is reluctant to get help or even look at things, like this blog, to help oout our marriage because she feels we dont really need it and that things will just fix themselves. ANyway I am glad I found your site and God Bless!