Photo courtesy Jaci Berkopec
Over the past few years, marriage has been under attack in America. This post is not intended to open up a discussion about the legalities of marriage nor is it intended to continue the discussion from the previous Big Idea post. I am simply taking note of all the things I love about marriage.
If you’re not married, I still think most of these apply to any important relationship in your life. These are in no particular order and feel free to add to the list in the comments.
- Companionship
- Love
- Laughter
- Sex
- Connection
- Shared adventure
- Passion
- Friendship
- Watching a movie together under a blanket
- Deep conversations
- Simple conversations
- Hearing someone say “I love you”
- Knowing the little quirks of another human being
- Co-parenting our children
- Being authentic
- All the inside jokes between us
- Memories of past experiences together
- Trust
- Shared values
- Holding hands
- Seeing her from across the crowded room
- Lazy mornings together
- Shared responsibilities of life
- Watching football together, or any sports for that matter. (I hit the jackpot with a wife that loves sports)
- Someone to challenge me to be a better man
- Seeing her smile
- Hearing her sing to our kids
- Silliness together
- Another driver on road trips
- Being out of the “dating scene”
- Entering a room or restaurant together
- Good make out sessions
- Long kisses
- Back rubs
- Knowing I have a partner to go through life with
What would you add for your marriage?
You still have sex? Deep conversations? You guys must not have kids yet
If so, then I’d love to know how!
@Tyler- We have 2 under the age of 4. We take advantage of their early bedtimes!
I’d add more about parenting. Our kids are so funny, they supply all the humor. We have a lot of fun parenting. It’s hard work but it’s so fun.
Man…so do we. Maybe I’m just doing something wrong then because it seems like my wife and I have turned more into co-workers than spouses over the last few months.
Our oldest doesn’t have a very early bed time. Since the wife and I both work, and don’t get home until ~6:00 pm, it’s hard to get her in bed by 8:00.
I think ee let having kids get in the way of our relationship too much.
well, this explains a lot. Married 33 years …. and only three things on your list apply to my marriage. It’s def time to get out.
Hi Corey,
You’ve piqued my curiosity. I’m not married, never felt I needed to, and even now have a kind of commitment phobia. So it’s nice to see happily married couples. Makes me more gung-ho about giving it a shot one day!
Maybe I never noticed before but I just saw your blog logo and love it! Simple, classy, and so meaningful. Love it.
Hi Corey. I enjoyed reading your list. Every single one of them I can agree with (except maybe the football one, I lucked out and found a man who is not into sports
I especially liked the last one, “Having a partner to go through life with”. When you decide to make a solid commitment to someone, it’s wonderful knowing you are going for the ride together. It’s also nice to have someone to kiss and hug whenever you want to.
@Daphne- Thanks for the feedback regarding the logo. It is a new addition since the new year. I love it as well.
@Jennifer- Can’t believe I missed hugs. Thanks for adding it.
@Dan- Kids do add a lot to marriage, work and fun.
I love being able to stay in on the weekends and watch movies. I love knowing that someone is waiting for me when I get home from a night out with the girls. I love knowing that somehow, the six inches of snow in my driveway will magically disappear, the oil in my car will get changed, and the shower drain snaked out. I love knowing that my husband loves our children and regularly steps outside his comfort zone to be the father they need. From past experience, I love knowing that my husband will drop everything and come home if I need him, no matter what. I love knowing that my husband is my biggest fan and advocate and that in almost nine years of marriage, he has loved me through babies, poverty, medical emergencies, depression and general ups and downs. My husband rocks and I love being married!
I like your new logo, too.
@Pat: Instead of getting out, why not try prayer, counseling and target better communication? Can’t hurt, can it?
I love your list.
I would put some things on my list like:
A great person to camp with
Someone to enjoy a trampoline with (wink, wink)
I have had a wonderful time having some discussions on faith with him. He is growing in this area and hearing his thoughts is just so cool!
Knowing that there is no one who loves me as deeply and passionately as he does is really such a wonderful thing, and knowing I feel the same way after 25 years is just too cool (thank you Corey).
Life is just so good. It is such a cool time to plan our future together.
Corey, thanks for this post.
Made me thankful for having him in my life.
How about adding:
* Someone to argue with, as agreeing with your partner on every topic would be just boring. ( I argue a lot – so does my wife and we find it very healthy ).
* Someone to fight with, as getting your anger off your chest is a good stress reliever, and it also shows you what type of person you are or your partner is in regards to making up, besides you don’t want to fight with anyone else.
* Being Competitive, challenging each other, always having a pool, cards, gaming buddy
Corey, I love this list! I couldn’t think of an addition. It did occur to me that not all items are equally weighted though, and the weight may be different depending on the day, the mood, or of course, the person.
A few on your list REALLY makes me happy:
– Hearing him sing to our kids (and laugh, be silly, and play)
– Co-parenting our children
– Small conversations together
– Shared values
– Watching sports together — No, I am not a sports person, but I LOVE the passion in my husband and that often makes me enjoy that time together.
It occurred to me to add this: Not one single person on the planet loves me, trusts me, and is cheering for me, more than my husband. No matter what we go through, he is my BIGGEST supporter, always. As someone who is Type-A, always creating, always doing, I love that he gives me the space to be authentically me, and I him.
Thanks for the great post, Corey!
What a beautiful list. I recently split with my long-time boyfriend. When I reviewed your list I knew that, had I stayed with him, I would have had none of those things. It was a tough choice but your list helped me know it was the right one!
Having someone to cook for and eat with; laying in bed at night and talking about anything and everything, hearing the whirr of the coffee grinder as I get in the shower every morning and knowing that my cup of coffee will be ready for me when I get out; and many, many other reasons. I absolutely love being married!
I was happily married for 37 years and lost my husband in October. I definitely miss those things on your list. I’m at the start of a new relationship (long story–he lost his wife at the same time) and I need to remind myself that these are still the things I am looking for in a relationship. I sure do miss having those shared connections.
What a beautiful list. It’s given me a fabulous idea for Valentine’s Day!! We have seriously cut our budget back this year to make sure that we have a healthy “emergency fund” in this economy, and one of the things that was sacrificed was date money for events like Valentine’s Day. A great Valentine’s Day gift to my husband would be a framed list of the reasons that I love being married to him that he can either put on his nightstand or take to work.
Tyler! (the first comment) Don’t use kids as an excuse for poor marital relations- for cryin out loud. I have been married for 8 years and have 4 kids. Never have we stopped lovin on eachother, we don’t spend 3 hours a day – everyday having sex anymore but we have it regularly- meaning several times a week. No they aren’t all quickies. We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day – because everyday we believe is important to be conciderate, thoughtful and loving. After 4 kids- orgasms are better, kissing is definately better, and our relationship is much richer than it was before we married and had children. A satisfying marriage is based on enjoying eachothers company, a commitment to putting the marital relationship above all others, and mutual respect. Children nor old age will not cause a good marriage to wither.
I recently got married in July 2009. I love my husband more than anything in this world. Before we got married in the Catholic church, we had to attend a retreat. At first, I was hesitant about the entire weekend. But it was such a beautiful weekend. My husband is not Catholic, but he really did enjoy as well. We didn’t sit there and talk about the bible like most people think. However, we did sit there and examine our future lives together and discussed important topics that ranged from children, to finances, to careers…etc. What I got most out of it was that marriage is a daily thing and that you really need to work together as a team in order to have a successful marriage. I know that we have a beautiful journey together as husband and wife and it excites me to know that it will be with this special man. People are so negative when it comes to the institution of marriage. But it’s such a wonderful experience that people who seriously choose this path should whole heartedly embrace and cherish.
I agree with everything
But I would add:
Having a SOUL MATE who knows you inside and out
love is a beautifull thing, and everybody like.
Love the list. My husband and I get very little time together. I work on his days off so he can look after our one year old son. He works split shift, leaves early and doesn’t get home until late.
I expect a lot of people would be complaining about never seeing each other but we just make the most of our time together. He tries to come home in the afternoons even if it’s just for an hour or so and we enjoy some time as a family.
In the evenings he gets in at 10 and we make sure we always stay up and talk for at least an hour before we cuddle up naked in bed together.
We phone and text each other all the time and are still best friends.
In 2008 I told him I never wanted to get married. We have now been married two years and I absolutely love being married.
I would give almost anything to have all of those you’ve listed above with my husband. For him (through his actions towards me) he “may” have 6 out of your list. For me I have maybe 17 of what listed above.
I knew I was in love with him the first night we were together! (June 28th, 2006) I knew I would spend the rest of my life with him. He was & still is the one. I’ve believed that with ever ounce of my being.
I could add to your list…just watching him sleep, cooking his favorite meals, loving his kids as though they’re my own, helping him with whatever is asked. You know all the little things are what I enjoy.
We’ve been married a year & a half, together for over 5 years.
Hi Corey.
I too love your list. My husband and I frequently separated for months sometimes a year at a time (like now) due to the army. It is so sad to see marriages fall apart through cheating and lack of communication/strength/support. I am forever thankful that ours gets stronger with each deployment. We certainly dont have sex 3/4 times a day like we used to lol but we make time for eachother when the kids are down for the night. Sex can’t be the focus of our marriage. Every other year he is gone! We definitly cherish the smaller things in life and face everything together even when we are not even on the same continent. We don’t always agree and we argue. But that makes us individuals as well as married couple. I love how we have our own type of language. Like twins sometimes do. He knows me better than I know myself. His jokes are horrendous but then so is my cooking. We survive
I think what I really wanted to say is…even when situations aren’t at it’s best ( kids, work, stress) communication and a little honesty goes a long way. Take a moment out of your day to remember why you fell inlove with that person and tell them.