Last September I released my first manifesto, A Simple Marriage Manifesto.
It contained a wealth of information regarding marriage and its design to help us grow into better people.
It’s the premise behind everything on Simple Marriage.
But there is also a very important undercurrent running throughout the posts … the role spirituality plays in our life and our relationships. Specifically, the influence of God and His love.
I’ve intentionally tried to ensure that what I write isn’t “preachy” or “in your face” Christian, but at the same time I’ve hoped to have my beliefs be evident.
Today, I present to you a full disclosure of my beliefs when it comes to God, love, growing up, and marriage.
If this isn’t of interest to you, no worries. The spirit of Simple Marriage will continue to remain as it has – helping people create great marriages and lives.
This is my second manifesto if you will, and once again, it’s free.
–>Click here to open or download this manifesto in PDF format.
Copyright stuff: Once again, this is free to be shared and/or quoted from in anyway you wish. In other words, spread the word. All I ask is for a link back to here.
Fellow bloggers: If you share this with your readers, please link to this page: http://www.simplemarriage.net/threeway.html
What you’ll learn
- The purpose of committed relationships
- Marriage’s prototype
- The role of love in marriage
- What growing up is, and isn’t
Want to help?
The Three-Way Marriage is free. If you’d like to help spread the word, use the buttons below and share it on Facebook and Twitter. You are also welcome to write about this on your site, or simply share this within your circle of friends and family.
If you enjoy this, feel free to leave a comments below.
Excellent. I don’t know that I have ever read anything that described marriage, the challenge of growing and the absolute requirement of faith as central to making marriage work as clearly as this. Thank you so much for your well thought article and for sharing it so generously.
Thought provoking. I am not a Christian, but, I can completely understand and extend your thoughts to my own life.
I sure will pass your mainfesto along to my friends. Thank you for sharing this.
Response to 3-Way Marriage. Most people do not marry or have kids out of the love in their hearts. There is no 3rd person. There is no Christ. In that sense, no friendship, marriage, or parent/child relationship should be looked to as the answer to growth, because love is the true channel of growth.
It sounds to me like it is love that is needed, it is love that is the thing which changes people and makes them grow up. It is not true that relationships, tragedy, or pain, or challenges cause a person to grow. Because if you don’t have love, you can’t grow, no matter what tragedy you face.
Many parent/child relationships and marriages are based on controlling (not loving), and are therefore preventing the growth of the human being!! When people come out of that family, not only do they have to grow up, but they have to RE-claim what was stolen from them from their immature parents. They have to start from the beginning. It is the same with some marriages; divorce can be a freeing event, and a good reason for celebration. Yet this society would not celebrate divorce!
Let us stop praising people for getting pregnant, getting married, or getting a job; these things the world praises as good. But what is good? The child may be born perfect, only to have its self-respect stolen. The same in marriages.
The only thing to praise is love itself, and nothing else. No act, no ceremony, no accomplishment is good if it is not done in love. Pain is not a blessed thing, in and of itself. Sorry for rambling on. Good luck to you.
But why would we celebrate divorce. Divorce means two people failed to love one another enough to remain together.
Perhaps the one who was divorced loved his wife, but she either never loved him, or didn’t do the things needed to stay in love with her spouse.
It just occurred to me that if we are going to celebrate love, we have to define what that means. Because love is a very overloaded term in the English language.
But as one who loved my former spouse, but apparently she didn’t love me or our children enough to keep her vows, avoid the affair and ultimately chose divorce, I fail to see a good reason to celebrate divorce.
Certainly not the way we do divorce in the U.S.
This second manifesto speaks to a number of things we’ve been talking about in our relationship: that love is a choice, not just a feeling; balancing of separateness and togetherness; and the value of boundaries. This new work is a concise distillation of a lot of thoughts we’ve been having. Thanks.
I just finished reading “The Three-Way Marriage” and there are lots of things I agree with regarding this. I would enjoy your thoughts/ view on this same subject, yet eliminating the christian view point. I believe that would be out of your desire and comfort zone, as you approach all aspects of life as a Christian. I am a Christian (simi-practicing Catholic) and my husband was raised as a Catholic as well, however I would not consider our relationship to follow the “Christ-Like” format. On the other hand, we have the most sound relationship (I believe) out of any of our friends. We have a great history, and very promising future…. and I’m trying to find a way to relate to this reading – not on a personal level, but as a couple. I believe it does apply to me on a personal level though. Maybe that is exactly what you are talking about. Can you provide some more insight regarding this, please?
Thanks.
I am taking your Blow up My Marriage Class and I am learning so much. I am only half way through and I am already seeing huge changes in me which is changing the dynamic in my marriage. As I was taking the class I always felt like something was missing. I always felt like real personal growth was limited without knowing the love of God. My growth started two years ago when I found Christ and I can honestly say I found your class because God lead me to your site. People who don’t have that relationship will say I’m just another of those Jesus nuts I used to feel the same way. I can tell you I was hopelessly hopeless and no amount of trying harder could change me. Thank you for sharing this I have already emailed it out to several of my close friends. I can personally tell you I was hopelessly stuck in a life of addiction with no hope of change until I found Christ. I am so happy you decided to write this. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this very inspirational and knowledgable lesson on marriage and faith. Enjoyed it immensely. I will definitely pass it along !
This week I have struggled to put into words what marriage means as a value – I am now able to clarify this for myself. This manifesto can be shared with my partner of 8 years as a tool to explore his values – thank you for sucvh a though-filled gift.
I love this article and although I don’t classify myself as a Christian in the traditional way I can honestly say I agree with everything you’ve written, from the very first line, “All of life is growing”
So many times we want our stuff, especially our relationships to stay exactly the same and that’s just not possible. Truth is when something stops growing it’s dead, and that is usually one of the leading contributors to a failing marriage. The people in it can’t stay the same, but the relationship itself stops growing. No one fits anymore.
I’d like to share my manifesto for women in relationship.
http://escapefromrelationshiphell.com/mini-manifesto.php
Thank you so much for your wisdom and thoughtful articles.
Very good. Lots to think about. A wake-up call as to where I am (am I growing? And running from or engaging in conflict). Thank you
Thank you for posting this essay. It is helpful for me to have reminders to build my relationship with the Lord and take care of my needs, in order that I might be a better husband. As I draw closer to the Lord, I also draw closer to my wife.
Thank you.
Corey, loved your “Manifesto”! It spoke to me on so many different levels. There are many inspiring messages throughout your article. I used to have negative connotations with certain ideas like “Trinity” and “Christianity” but I’ve done some work on my “Self” and can see their true meaning and symbolism as it pertains to my own Christ-consciousness.
Corey, you have a gift. Thank you for sharing your blog and your articles. They are uplifting, stimulating and inspiring, but most of all – - loving! Isn’t that what we came into this world to be?
Hi – I’d love to read your presentation, but unfortunately when I download it (windowsXP) some lines of text appear to be on top of other lines – even though it is a .pdf Anyone else experiencing similar problems or have ideas for settings to try changing?
This is the first I’ve heard of this kind of issue. I’ll send it to you via email and see if that works.
Thanks for the words. Simple, to the point, and right on time (for me and for many others).
I’ve been talking about some of this stuff for years but you’ve put it down in such a cohesive fashion.
REALLY great stuff. Thanks for sharing it.
In a discussion about only being able to be a half-step from our spouse this question came up:
Got any answers?
Thanks!
The idea of growth isn’t about deciding to leave a relationship in order to grow more, it’s about the fact that as you grow, it challenges the system and the others in the system to grow as well – otherwise the system (ie relationship) will naturally dissolve.
This is more about the nature of systems than it is about marriage and divorce. Many times it’s easy to believe that I am more “grown up” than my wife, but when I really examine it I realize that it’s not true. The reason we are in relationship and stay in relationship is because we’re at the same level of growth. With this in mind, staying in the relationship will provide the greatest opportunity for me to truly grow up.
I think your answer leads to the question, could a spouse grow beyond half-step and both choose not to “dissolve” the relationship out of religious convictions?
Thanks for the quick reply. Have really enjoyed your blog and podcasts.
Sure.
I’m sure there other scenarios as well but to me this would be similar to a person choosing to do something their spouse wanted, and upon getting involved in whatever it was, not blaming the spouse for the choice.
At the end of the day, a differentiated person owns their choices.
Thanks for your time Dr. Allan!
Thank you for sharing this! It gave me lots to think about. I will share it with my husband of 11 years and I am sure a discussion will ensue.
I read your essay and smiled sheepishly SEVERAL times. Just today I was talking about leaving my husband because I am so fed up with him not spending any time with me. God is so faithful. I needed a word from Him because truly I feel like I am going crazy in my marriage and I feel like if I pray about it, that little voice in my head will tell me to get a divorce. Anyway, thank you for this essay. It is truly a blessing and I look forward to reading it again and again.