One of the questions I am asked by clients is “What do I do when I feel like I am growing up and my partner isn’t?” This is a fairly common question.
Think back through the course of your marriage. Can you see the times when it seemed like you were the only one growing – or you were the “grown up” in the relationship?
During these times it’s easy to start thinking of yourself more highly than you ought. As a word of caution, don’t fall victim to the thought of you being more “grown up” than your spouse.
Why?
Because it’s simply not true.
The whole concept of marriage being designed as a tool by God to refine us and grow us up is based on the idea that the people involved in the relationship will be on the same “growth” level or at the most, a 1/2 step ahead.
If the developmental gap between you is any larger, the relationship would not exist, or will not survive. The reason, you would not understand the other person enough to connect or tolerate them.
So the times you think you are more “grown up” than your spouse, think again. You’ll likely find that you are the same, only your emotional immaturity is coming out some other way.
Photo courtesy hapal
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.
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I agree with your assessment. From my observations, most people who have been married for a period of time are in fact mature enough for a successful relationship. I think that over time we can project our own “issues” onto our partner and then perceive that their maturity is the actual issue when it is not.
Also, a lot of “maturity” disagreements can be curbed if we step back and realize that masculine men and feminine women are just different, and we express our maturity differently.