Why you shouldn’t have the goal of “I just want to be happy”

Are you taking in respect of marriage or life in general?

Both.

short and sweet. This is only answerable when you know what happiness means to you.

I would have to agree with you. I believe that happiness is achievable on enjoying the small tasks you commit to on a life and marriage basis. You can't search and make happiness your end goal - you have to live a life that's worth it on a day to day basis to get enjoyment. Whether that's having a cold coffee every morning, walking to work, and enjoying a kiss from your hubby, it's really up to each one of us to find the little things that make the big things (life and marriage) worth it.
Would love to know what you think, Corey. And everybody else, while we're at it.

Happiness comes and happiness goes so I can't make it a goal. It isn't sustainable. My goals are things like growing personally, spiritually, ethically. These goals, I would love to share with my hub, but they are not contingent upon him. I have found, however, the further down the road I get to living fully, the better my relationship with the hub is. Interesting how that is working out that way. :-)

I love this post Corey! Thought provoking in 5 words. NICE!

Stu

I agree with Stu - your post is brief and wise. And I also agree with Laurie - happiness is like the weather in the midwest...wait a few minutes and it can change. Our lives are richer when we have goals that are larger than a mood, and that can sustain us through the inevitable challenges of our daily lives. One of our goals in our marriage is to continuously deepen the connection and the closeness. From that, so much more flows. Thank you for the words of wisdom Corey.

Thanks for sharing this, Corey! I agree that "happiness" is too vague. It is always changing.

For example, if you are broke and unemployed, happiness to you might mean to get an income-producing job. But once you achieve that goal, once you have obtained your "happiness", the rest of life can begin to blur again. You can only have so many jobs at once, in my example.

That is why I recommend setting goals---solid, specific, achievable goals. I have found that the only thing worth working towards in life are goals. They may be as small as finishing your degree (mine), waking up earlier, or mowing the lawn every week instead of when it gets to be too tall. Or it may be something bigger like starting your business, romancing your lover more often, or reconnecting with God.

All of these are personal goals. They have to be in order to be motivating. Yet they are attainable, and don't leave you with that empty feeling that you get once you are "happy". We all know the feeling of euphoria we experience when we are at our happiest, but the more sustainable formula here is:
1. Set Goal (define happiness)
2. Plan Steps to Achieve Goal (seek happiness)
3. Achieve Goal (success!)
4. Set Goal Bar Higher (a new level)

Go forth!

Thanks for sharing this, Corey! I agree that "happiness" is too vague. It is always changing.

For example, if you are broke and unemployed, happiness to you might mean to get an income-producing job. But once you achieve that goal, once you have obtained your "happiness", the rest of life can begin to blur again. You can only have so many jobs at once, in my example.

That is why I recommend setting goals---solid, specific, achievable goals. I have found that the only thing worth working towards in life are goals. They may be as small as finishing your degree (mine), waking up earlier, or mowing the lawn every week instead of when it gets to be too tall. Or it may be something bigger like starting your business, romancing your lover more often, or reconnecting with God.

All of these are personal goals. They have to be in order to be motivating. Yet they are attainable, and don't leave you with that empty feeling that you get once you are "happy". We all know the feeling of euphoria we experience when we are at our happiest, but the more sustainable formula here is:
1. Set Goal (define happiness)
2. Plan Steps to Achieve Goal (seek happiness)
3. Achieve Goal (success!)
4. Set Goal Bar Higher (a new level)

Go forth!